So, today, I thought I’d switch it up from poetry and talk about God’s goodness.
This morning, I woke up wrong. Not physical, oh-my-body-hurts-please-not-today pain, but emotional. I looked at my phone, seeing that is was 7:30, and decided it was best to get an early start on my Bible plans. I’ve actually found that I crave this time, because it’s the only time my mind stays more focused, than when I just start my day without Him.
One of my plans, Finding God’s Purpose, has been trading on and off, with some days having a verse to focus on, and others giving opportunity to pray to Him.
Today, the devotional read: Ask God to show you His goodness. After I finished praying, my mind began racing, and I found myself nose deep into the carpet, crying. My mind kept screaming, God, everything’s changing. It HURTS! I don’t want to miss people like this. I don’t want to try to and get noticed by people I miss by posting statuses on Facebook that show You. It’s foolish and doesn’t bring glory to You. And all these people here, who I can’t seem to talk to, about You. I need You. To be honest, I’m still feeling like that, but I need to share this.
After that, I decided to get a shower. Because of the way the shower is set up, I have to get a bath because there is nothing for me to hold on to so I can stand the whole time. Yes, crippled is actually literal for me. Hence, my blog name, though I realize everyone is in one way or another.
I have no trouble getting in the tub, but getting out on my own is a trick, since it’s marble and I lose my footing when I try to push myself up. Most of the time, my mom has to help me.
Today, I wanted to rely on God, and not need to ask for help. Even though both my parents are more than willing to help me. As I watched the water rolling down the drain, I began to have a chat with God.
I really don’t know if I can do this.
Yes, you can.
I’m going to slip and crack my head open. Blood on marble isn’t going to look pretty, you know?
Shh. Just trust Me.
I grabbed the gold faucet, trying desperately to get my foot to just stay put, amidst all the slipperiness beneath. I looked for anything to give me leverage, when I realized all along it was right in front of my face.
I leaned up against the side, where I could push up, and found myself sitting on the ledge after a few simple moves, while Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United silently played in my head. God always knows what will get me to calm down and focus.
I lifted my shaky feet out over the ledge & placed them on the floor.
What am I getting at with this? God’s strength & goodness from our weakness whether it be physical or not. When we feel crippled with fear, anguish, worry, or physical limitations, He is there.
A rock to which we can continually come.
Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; You have given commandment to save me, For You are my rock and my fortress. (Psalms 71:3 NASB)