After Watching Bukowski

He speaks alcoholically-
unwound about how one
resents being pushed,
movements unnatural
to their own.

Kind-hearted people
give out chances relentlessly,
because that’s what they do.
Extend mercy-seventy times
seven to everyone undeserving,
fallen from the same mistake as
Adam & Eve.

I failed again today-
missed the deadline
to apply myself,
learn form, rule,
regulation. Get
a college degree
declaring I can
make money
in something.

I’ve had two years
and I went begrudgingly.
All I knew was panic
when deadlines were close.
Everything that interested me
I was told would never earn
a steady living.
Philosophy and literature.
Poetry.

They said, pick something like
business, finance, psychology.
My brain perplexed,
while my heart said, stay.
I ran to the wilderness
shortly after that day.

Now, I’m languishing
because I don’t want to go
society’s way, but I can’t
live off social security.

I can’t do nothing,
I must live without resisting.
Why is it money has no appeal,
yet poverty is much more alluring,
& frightening?

Green in my wallet,
I give away.
No push I must obey.
Or resentment needing
conveyed.

Chance is merely a leading-
give away what was never
mine to begin with,
action speaking,
I love you.
soberly.

I wait here in my smallness.

Today will bring new shine,
absent shadow nor sway.
Gentlest encouragement
taking my self-condemnation
to meet the rain of this day.

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