Overcome My Unbelief

I finally brought myself to the light.

Last night over a keyboard.

Today, sitting on the couch,

verbally to my mother.

I’m not okay with myself.

I don’t like myself.

I don’t believe God does either.

Do you ever want to be loved as you,

minus the work you do?

That’s all I’ve known.

Seen.

Striving for worth.

I’m serious.

This can’t be all there is.

I can’t work without faith

Love is ahead, beside, behind me.

Hemmed.

Helping others will be no use

if I don’t believe

I am loved.

Cherished.

Saved.

No matter circumstances.

Other’s words.

My thoughts.

I need overflowing belief

God is a gracious & compassionate

God.

Slow to anger.

Abounding in love,

faithfulness.

A sign of His goodness,

moving my heart from this cowering,

grieving, stagnate position,

to joy, unnerving.

I am terrified saying this prayer in ink,

when this morning my ears heard

the word: abounding

later followed by: love,

Absent: in.

A loss to my understanding.

Oh, God.

Your thoughts soar above

my self-inflicted shame.

I am worth more than sunshine,

falling rain accompanying this plain.

Dear Friend, draw near me,

form a a physical love letter

enveloping tenderly Your promises

I’ve failed receive.

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