Wearying

Today, I haven’t read Your Word
in depth as I should.

I read a promise instead: According to your faith, it will done to you.

No other context to fill the gaps, we both know I have.

I cannot focus on big pictures though.

Only small, bite sized pieces of bread.

Enough to fill my shrinking stomach,

growling for substance, but not the
kind the world says it will fill.

My eyes fall to before the promise: Then he touched their eyes.

Translated: Then he touched my eyes.

My sight enclosed by You.

Light.

I see the Sun

outside my window.

I want to get to know

this silent, warming greeting.

Never intending intimidation.

Rather, constant welcome

I fear facing for awkwardness

I contrive by facing You.

Silence feels a waste of time

I don’t know to do.

I can’t be.

The time will run out.

I will be filled,

letting my soul sink when someone

enters the room.

I want to lie down

shut out the worldly thoughts

incessantly plaguing me.

Time is running away.

You are doing nothing purposeful,

getting to know Jesus.

He’s already taking long enough with you.

That’s love?

You gotta fall fast.

Hard.

You have to HURRY UP.

You could die tomorrow.

What then, huh?

What are people going to remember?

Your faith all this will work out?

Nah, the way you throw yourself into a corner, beating yourself mentally up because you still feel you are not enough.

Real winner.

Jesus, I am not strong enough.

I know these are lies.

They are what I yearn would leave me orphaned, forsake me.

You would the way I am crippled,

I wouldn’t disregard my slow movement as a curse from You.

But sometimes I do.

Where would it get me?

Broken-hearted.

Bruised.

I am sorry for wanting independence from You.

Standing tall and proud of something I did.

Divided from You.

No meaning.

You say: I shall not want. I shall lie beside still water on green pasture.
You will provide my every need in the riches of You.
Love is patient, kind, does not envy, forgives, rejoices with the truth.
You don’t change as shifting shadows.

I do not see well.

Overwhelm me.

Replace these blinding thoughts with You.

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