I’m Unraveling, Another Leaf Grounds

I’m sitting on a bed
in a room not mine.

She comes in,
sitting down beside
my quiet heart.

We’re going to let you
use this so you can
go back to school.

I fall headfirst to her lap.

So many.

My right hand held tight.
I sit up again.
Feet dangling over the edge.

I’m leaning over.
I can’t breath!

I can’t breath!

She looks into my blues.
Sympathetically lost for words.
She doesn’t know how to help me.

I can’t help me.

I don’t know what to do.
Crying harder into her shoulder.
I can’t stop. Desperate.

He comes in.
Crouches beside the bed.
Signs to the woman helplessly holding me.

It isn’t ASL.
It’s the kind parents make-up
not to hurt their children.

There’s pointing back & forth.
Mouths opening with wordless
whispers I don’t understand.

I know them.
They are not my parents.
I’m not twenty-four.

Their eyes gleam.
Little white spark.

Maybe tears.

She speaks.
Would you like to go with us?

A name rolls off her tongue.
I don’t remember it.
I think it’s a bar.

I’ve never heard of this place.
This isn’t a celebration.
I’m not a drinker.

I stare them both in the eyes.

They don’t hear these thoughts.
Yes, because I love you.
No, because I’ve enough people go over the edge into Satan’s hold.

They seem to understand
I’d rather be lonely,
than depraved.

I’m just like them,
without added poison.

My heart breaks easily,
watching them leave
without a bye.

I’m alone,
exactly as I began.


4 thoughts on “I’m Unraveling, Another Leaf Grounds

    • I don’t think so. This was all a dream with family who really wanted me to stay in school. And go back once I left. I understand why. I’m really tired of trying to prove myself to others or me. Or God. I feel another poem coming.

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