Here I go,
again down the rabbit hole.
Burying myself in tears undeserving
my cries: Jesus, I am drowning in my
dreams coming now to wake me.
I’ve been Noah, but my boat hasn’t
been filled with two of every animal,
but self condemning lie. Yahweh,
I hear the garbage in my mind.
You are unworthy of this gift
He’s given you. He’ll take away
if you don’t make enough money.
You know why everyone’s barely
talking to you? They see your sin.
You had to declare it to the world.
Now, you’re ugly. You should be
diving in right now. Go on. You may
not be afraid, but it’s not like God’s
listening or watching. We both know
you’re lonely and numbness is best
company when you can’t escape
me. You see this every night, might
as well join in and die in your own
personal way. Not literally, no, but
your flesh needs a fill. How about
I bargain with you? Ninety-three
percent goes to me, and six percent
goes to this Friend you can’t see.
I want all of your clear view
obstructed, so you’ll be lonely.
What you’re used to anyway.
Jesus, I know Your hands bear
this prayer I can’t thank You for,
other than cry my disbelief, looking
out at the moonless night.
This is love, isn’t it? Where I am a
mess, but You see no less than my
I do not have to condemn myself,
but oh, how easy it is when loveless
tongues remark with seeded heart.
Baiting you worm after worm,
snickering as you finally bite.
You smile, defending yourself
against the weakness known.
A human weeping willow.
I know that’s a lie because You wept
on a cross for every carrier of stone,
breaking Your body, so I could relax
my shoulders’ effort to work myself,
a warrior child fighting to be seen