Love Me Until I’m Empty Apology

Here I go,

again down the rabbit hole.

Burying myself in tears undeserving

my cries: Jesus, I am drowning in my

dreams coming now to wake me.

I’ve been Noah, but my boat hasn’t

been filled with two of every animal,

but self condemning lie. Yahweh,

I hear the garbage in my mind.

You are unworthy of this gift

He’s given you. He’ll take away

if you don’t make enough money.

You know why everyone’s barely

talking to you? They see your sin.

You had to declare it to the world.

Now, you’re ugly. You should be

diving in right now. Go on. You may

not be afraid, but it’s not like God’s

listening or watching. We both know

you’re lonely and numbness is best

company when you can’t escape

me. You see this every night, might

as well join in and die in your own

personal way. Not literally, no, but

your flesh needs a fill. How about

I bargain with you? Ninety-three

percent goes to me, and six percent

goes to this Friend you can’t see.

I want all of your clear view

obstructed, so you’ll be lonely.

What you’re used to anyway.


Jesus, I know Your hands bear

this prayer I can’t thank You for,

other than cry my disbelief, looking

out at the moonless night.

This is love, isn’t it? Where I am a

mess, but You see no less than my

radiant beauty?

I do not have to condemn myself,

but oh, how easy it is when loveless

tongues remark with seeded heart.

Baiting you worm after worm,

snickering as you finally bite.

You smile, defending yourself

against the weakness known.

Sensitive. Emotional.

A human weeping willow.

I know that’s a lie because You wept

on a cross for every carrier of stone,

breaking Your body, so I could relax

my shoulders’ effort to work myself,

a warrior child fighting to be seen


2 thoughts on “Love Me Until I’m Empty Apology

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