Tear Jar Offering

My dearest friend,

please be merciful.

Those I love mock me,

how I stare back, blinking,

because I know holding my tongue

will benefit my soul, though I long

fulfilling my fleshly desire to fight.

Yell, Jesus is in love with you!

And me with these slow moving

legs, desiring the worldly prize for

every word I pen. From Your mouth,

crying back to my spirit, groaning

wait no longer. I am afraid world’s

definition of success will kill my love

You gave at first thought of my name

upon Your lips. Breathing formation

inside Mother’s womb-a hope

trustworthy to place this turned

down face. Rejected as I praise

Your name. Cry for You as my Savior,

bring me close to Your bosom with

the compassion a mother has on her

child. Whisper peace you leave, not

as the world gives through wealth,

my name known in well-received

magazines, a house level enough

I can go in and out with ease.

No, the all surpassing peace beyond

my understanding. I can’t lean on

myself: my feeble bones, thoughts

turned words, will. Your arms,

everlasting, I long fall deep inside.

Where the hate they wield as a

sword thrusted down my ached

heart, will be unheard by my ears,

delighting in promise not forsaken:

You can rest, My child. The harm has

brought you back to whom you

belong. My heart, your home.

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8 thoughts on “Tear Jar Offering

  1. Oh wow! I love that God collects our tears! I think our jars might be really really big! In fact i know it! I’m known as the crier in my family so if one feels close to tears they know I’m already crying more then a river!
    I think you tender sweet heart is beautiful! May I say that you are perfect just the way you are if you never changes a thing about yourself God sees you as perfect!
    I’ve been working non stop it feels like, but know I am praying and thinking of you! I love you sweet one! Big huge hug I’m praying that you see yourself as God sees you! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’œโค๏ธ

    • Oh, Michelle, I wish I would have read this last night. I said some horrible things to God last night. A phrase He’s heard quite a few times. About wanting Him to take me. I hate how an environment can start to wear on you. And you want to give up, but instead you cry.

      I really have an issue with self hatred. Last night, there was arguing between my parents and then I read an email, that was a rejection from a magazine that pays. I was published in a magazine unknown and doesn’t pay. It was a big deal but the reaction from my family plummeted my joy. I’ve let it sit on my bedside table for almost a month. I have this idea in my head that without money behind it, it’s meaningless. I know it’s not true, but last night, ugh, it made me hate myself more. I’m the one who’s always said I don’t want money. I’ve seen what it does.

      I love you, Michelle. So much. Thank you for loving me, praying for me. Seeing myself as God does may take years, or one day at a time.

      • Oh yes one day at a time. Sweet one….I’m so sorry about your parents. I can from a child abuse background so I totally know what you are saying. My parents split up literally 3 times until finally the last time in 1986. Wow. My Pa just left after years of trying to live with my mom. My mom is the abusive one believe it or not! So it was hard facing that and all the berating that came my way being the oldest child. So I know this one baby girl. I tell you what I pray God’s protection around your sweet little girl spirit and your precious soul! I pray that your ears would be shielded from the sounds you cannot take and that God place a buffer zone around you! I want to offer you my phone number! If you ever need me I will be there for you! Please know this what is going on with your parents DOES NOT mean or have anything to do with you! YOU are not the cause of their childish behavior and also I’m so so sorry that they have chosen to expose you to such scary yelling and fighting. Wow! Makes me want to come over there and tell them so. I can’t stand that! I a kid person so I cannot and will not stand for a little one be it older or bigger being hurt with words. I’m a fighter so I will fight back. So I tell you what I will be vigilant to pray for you and as soon as I hit reply I am emailing you my phone number and you text me or call anytime. Ok? Even during working hours. I only take calls from my baby girl but I certainly will step in while your parents are allowing your sweet spirit and person to be damaged.
        YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE PERFECT JUST LIKE YOU ARE! Don’t listen to anything other then that. Please go read Psalm 139. You read this one over and over, then read Psalms 91 read them till you live them. I have lived that one out baby girl. I tell you something I have seen the wicked fall to the right and left and it never came near me. I’m telling you God’s word is powerful sharper then any two edged sword dividing the bone and the marrow. It’s powerful. I know this. Get that word down on the inside of you so God has something to use to remind you who HE says you are. You only believe him don’t listen to any person on this earth but what God/Jesus says about you ok? I love you and I am praying for you! Know this!
        Michelle

      • I REALLY needed to hear this. I don’t know why it came out and I always feel like I’m betraying my parents by talking about it. Almost like I shouldn’t share. Especially since there’s been beautiful moments within the last year, but it still is very tough to deal with. I think, too, God understands I need people who are older and who’s parents have divorced, too. It helps when people have gone through your pain. I’m only starting to see that now. Also, having people who will pray for me, because right now, the only time I pray is when I write and half time I don’t know what to say. I know His Spirit intercedes for me. I love how you said you were the oldest child, I am too. I will read both Psalms. I love you, Michelle and thank you for reaching out to me. It means more than you know. โค๏ธ

  2. Julia, this is so beautiful. Your heart is a gem, even if you feel otherwise. I love what you said at the very end. Our hurts really do bring us to the Saviors loving arms. โ˜บ

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