My Father,

You have sought with adoring eye

the pound signing my heart.

When I rise, a beat sounds,








I breath, letting

my brain hash through all

these thoughts.

They tag me at night,

seeking while I hide








You know this before

I let my tongue confide

my fear to my mother.

My mom’s friend.

My friends near in speech,

physically far from me.

I am hemmed.




Your hand lays upon me.

Knowledge too sweet,

wonderful to understand.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?


Flee from Your presence?



If I go in the heavens?


Make my bed in this paining valley?


Rise on winged dawn,

renounce myself seaside?



I’ve said, “Surely, my anxiety

will hide me and You,

Your smile become

night to me.”

Even while I wonder,

push a distance

between my need,

want, plea remains





Night the same as day.

My inmost being,

a little girl secretly sewn

inside Mother’s womb,

the secret dwelling place.




Wonderful are Your works,

I am beginning to know

my framed need was never hidden

from Your delighted mind,

seeing this day and every other

ordained as I was dusty Earth.

Before my breath.

My blinking eyes.

My blue.

My pink coloring,

thanks to Your spilled love.




I cannot these thoughts

dripping irrevocable sincerity

above me.





Your love weighs toward me.



I blink, breath, awake,

I am still with you.


If only, Daddy,

You would say the wicked,

those haughty with thirst

for blood. How they want

kill, misusing God

with new meaning:

“I take the head, You stay tail.”

Do I not hate them, for they want

Your throne? My hatred a waterfall.

searched by compassionate eye,

knowing how I work my own strength,

until I fall down expectation’s wormholes.

Where my heart calls,





7 thoughts on “Hashing

  1. Oh my goodness Julia!! This is amazing!!! A masterpiece – truly!! Never read anything like it/ and I love it- fresh. & Holy Spirit breathed!!!! And Psalm 139– I cried- God is good and keeps ministering to me with that verse:)

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