In the cleft of the rock,
I’m sitting with a bannered love
over my face. It is dark, fear’s
heavy rope has tied my hands
prayer position Truthfully,
they are wringing with realization.
I can’t let go, do this without a Saviour-
not all my long distance friends, who
have watched my mouth drop low
as a fence knocked low by unsuspecting storm.
Through all these trembling words, starting.
“I don’t-“ abruptly finished by my mother’s promise:
All this will work out. I don’t want this workout
the way everyone wishes. A degree. I want
music soothing my ears, mt feet under blankets,
& my words pouring a child’s plea for Your peace sign
in spite disarray inside my head, outside. I know,
I can’t keep playing pretend, thinking I can become
a writer sitting still, the lucky ones daydream.
Declaring with the author I read as a child,
Nicholas Sparks, this is how we do it.
NYT Bestselling author, world wide acclaim.
There I go, setting myself to fall back down
society’s wormhole. I’m a cactus in this valley,
needled in belief the flow of work will produce
water I desperately crave.
It’s in flux, I find sweetest oil
though I’ve done no mechanical work
for my brow to be wiped. From all sides,
the voices come loud, disguised.
I should be checking, calling.
trying trying trying, taking
this command, rest.
& give myself permission,
Up we go!
But, as everybody else,
I’ll break a glass.
My beating heart will freeze,
along with my breath being held in suspension.
I’ll hang my head. “Daddy, don’t look at me.”
You’ll whisper. Don’t fret. I still love you, child.
Face up, let Me see those blues.
I’ll meet never condemning gaze,
“I belong in Siberia for what I’ve done. Send me now.”
Too cold for you. I’d rather keep you warm. Please stay?”
“A lion’s mouth would scare away the shame.”
Stop talking silly. Love doesn’t work that way.
I’d rather stay in company of long-suffering,
with sorrow holding my right. Your right hand,
my strengthening love when I am stuck, and
counting the seconds.
Passing me by with ending
vowel to my name-
first letter of those
You give concern
over my wandering.