Sorry, you are
a better friend
than I am.
ten more hours
in a day, lavishing
letters my altitude
rather than production
before I can ask. May
we exchange heart
beside beat or two?
I looked up, eyes
question: is she serious?
I think of you, Jesus.
You’ve sat beside me,
feet dangling over
the beside, light
dim. I wander
Our flesh knows
not quick listening,
our mouths agape
sharing poetry, music,
life grief I can’t articulate,
hope I’ve placed in momentary,
forgetting I cant grasp what was
never mine. Speech comes anything
but slow. I am hasty with anger,
spurting question after question,
statement after statement
Why is she gone? isn’t prevalent
as why am I afraid I’ll never wake?
Why can’t I relate- wanting shut myself
inside whitespace where breath is one.
I am no better friend , giving flawed
loyalty, emptying need to be heard,
seen because attention is selfish.
I want to share my secrets with anyone
with eardrums wide open, hand against
trembling. I know my life now
plays sad song montages of yesterday—
her underneath the windowsill, reading
Miracles, asking if I need a hand, after
I throw a tantrum because I can’t accept
undeserving smile when I turn child.
The way she curled herself into a mystery,
oblivious to people passing by, asking
if I was okay. If I was bored waiting for her
to find out who done it—the painter or someone else?
How she skipped to the end, though I would’ve stayed
til close, so she could stay lost, unhurried beauty
in lighted chaos.
When I sobbed, time
moving seconds closer to her peering
through the window after goodbye.
She kissed my head, asking you
to be my center, shh over my heart.
I’’m drinking a frappe, large enough
for my mind to sputter tired nonsense
until you place finger to my hungry lips.
Jesus, if I could board a plane to foreign land
she spreads your smile, imprinted absent
commotion, I’d echo this truth: a friend
loves at all times, regardless quantity,
the quality of love
through a screen,
reminds me I’m known,
shared his life with those
we would deem unworthy.
Whenever you look in my eyes,
I am aware of my deep sensitivity,
him staring back at me.
My offering seems pitiful,
but oh Jesus, let your
arms wrap her in embrace,
erasing senseless apology.