Prayer To Be Enthralled

Enthralled-

I am not,

listening

to birds

sing song

through

fog I wish

stay today.

You know

I’m hiding,

letting dark

have both

my hands,

trembling.

This is not

dark—light,

light. light.

You softly

whisper

to my sad-

faced soul.

Half-awake,

I read wanting

nothing, but

his shepherd

leading beside

quiet waters,

green pastures,

begging your

forgetfulness,

pleas for unfailing

love—let you be

enthralled, taken

by my beauty.

How is it

beautiful

when I

cry. then

draw defense,

turning my back?

I don’t want

to tell you:

I need cradled,

carried through

this lost-and-

found. I don’t

know this gitl,

no longer interested

in anything other

than tangelos,

yogurt, eating

whatever else

comes before

her, but failing

because she

yearns loving

kindness beyond

food, tasteless on

her tongue,

tripping over

five words

her heart

troubles

believe.

Show

me

your

unfailing

love,

please.

_________

Author’s Note: Going to start doing this this year, along with Five Minute Friday. I’m praying I start seeing His unfailing love, actually feeling it, more aware. I’d love to be able to read more than what feels like random Bible verses. Actual books. Actually laugh without a hint of pain. Actually enjoy what I’m eating, without leaving it to get cold. Or sit there. Or eat real slow to try to get myself to taste it. Savor. Not gobble it down because I’m so hungry, but not really knowing (or acknowledging), until I tell my mom. I mean, I have these cookies sitting here and I’ve had one, ONE, but I ate the tangelo and yogurt like they were the best gifts ever. I don’t understand what is going on with me. but if this is part of grief, than yay. (sarcasm) It almost feels like I’m fasting in a way.

I want to taste and see God’s goodness, even in the this emptiness. To be mouth-dropped taken away by Him. It’s tough to see right now, but I’ll keep waiting.

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10 thoughts on “Prayer To Be Enthralled

  1. Julia! So good to just read your beautiful heart once again. I also enjoyed your note at the end. Has food just been tasting bland? Or is there something more? I too need to read more! Just enjoy all He wants us to enjoy and fully understand His true unfailing never-ending love for us ❤ One book that I've read recently you may enjoy is called Captivating. It will bring you laughs and tears. Simply beautiful- as you are!

      • Julia, pain and hurt-yuck. All I know, which is nothing about the whys of hurt, loss and pain, is somehow, someway, somewhere, sometime, you will see how God was there, holding you, and pulling together heaven and earth to redeem your tears. That is true. It doesn’t make pain go away, and certainly doesn’t make the loss ever better, whatever it is. I just know, with all certainty He does not waste our tears. I love you sister. I pray You feel His arms holding You today, and that He allows a glimpse of His good coming after the pain for you today.
        Hollie

      • “All I know, which is nothing about the whys of hurt, loss and pain, is somehow, someway, somewhere, sometime, you will see how God was there, holding you, and pulling together heaven and earth to redeem your tears.” You know what that is? Inspiration for my next poem. It’s a poem in itself. I love you, too. And thank you for being here. ❤

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