i, still with mourning, you fight for my joy

NO SERVICE—

on/off, hard reset.

on/off, 4G, one circle.

SEARCHING. NO

SERVICE. off, I turn.

God, please, I can’t

afford this. It can’t

be broken. last night,

before i’d come to you

crying this morning,

i thought: you can’t love me

like this, this way. you

whispered: i do, my child.

i love you, Julia. Tears

fell; your incense before

the throne. you lead me

to your promise. Be strong

& wait on you, I was confused,

now i know, i don’t know what

category this falls under: peace,

patience, stress & anxiety, belief,

worry. you say when your word

goes out, it never comes back

void. when my foot slips, your

comfort brings joy. you do not

give the peace of world.

but that which passes all

understanding. i need nor

be troubled, nor afraid.

when i look to you, my face

will never be covered shane.

weeping lasts a night, joy

comes in the morning.

my fear needs you,

my anchor, rescuer

from all trouble.

your strength is my joy

together moving depression,

grief mountain. watch thorny

tip sink below salty blue.

i know her final advice:

food on the table, roof

over my head. everything

else is a luxury you provide,

as this computer i waited

months only to come shyly

before your provision.

oh, Yahweh, my soul thirsts

your smile pressed against

my forehead. if you must

withhold my phone in order

for me to see your good,

true, pure love, it is yours.

glorious love, Father–

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