what about you, mama?

beautiful in way
you say jack &
jill went up a tree

& it went boom.
i smile, i love you,
telling you they

went rolling down
this hill laughing
every trouble into

the dust. moments
earlier, i let my soul
drip out before

your eyes, lightest
blue when laugh
has you. torrential

rain, peeking sun
through glass—
your patience

holding me with
out word. sad
falls better than

explaining wrong.
this, you know, isn’t
fault, but quoting

the lion king, the
circle of life—someone
passes way & child

cries, why why why?
look at all ways devil
nightmares dreams

til you can sit awkwardly
with each other, fighting
glimpse for sunlight. he

says my sensitivity will
draw you a tide away
& i will choke oncoming

sorrow unwilling leave
awake/asleep today,
tomorrow, maybe two

weeks time. you sing,
i love you, my somping!—
song above without refrain.

—————————————–

Today was rough. I woke up at 12 something, pondering the insane dreams I keep having. Last night was just weird. This poem depicts what it’s like telling my mom. It’s frustrating for me because I don’t like saying. bad dreams sompingme or getting all huffy at her only trying to help. honestly, i don’t know how mothers do it. watch their child in pain & not being able to immediately to fix it. it drives you crazy, doesn’t it? (please go ahead & tell me it’s a sompingit, mom..) through my mom, God keeps pouring love in ways like the language my mom & i have no one understands, the way she sings random, nonsensical and sensical (ex. peace is flowing like a river) & getting it stuck in my head. Giving me random snacks. Watching Downton Abbey & pretending we’re British.

Listening to all of my: BUT WHY? i don’t like this!!! Not once does she say: ENOUGH! (Not that you would, mom, but being honest.) She has so much otter stuff to do: work, laundry, cooking, cleaning. And yet, her love & care for me is as fierce as imagine God;s to be. I don’t think I have to imagine, it is. Her love is God’s love. It’s so complex to me because I’m not a mom. And, I’m still learning how to accept God’s love for me. Mom told me once God put me in her life to slow her down.

Well, mom, I’m pretty sure he put you in my life to show the height/depth of his love. The way it never ends. I only hope I love you as unending as  your love is for me. Thank you God, giving me the best of all the sompingmes. 🙂

Happy early Valentine’s/birthday. I love you.

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