remembering i’m dust, tendered

a signal to what
spilling out cup

eyes a drink
i give you, take
this. we share

salt brought forward,
instead of thrown over
good luck shoulders.

i don’t know how
you bear my gasps,
my thoughtless mind.

how dare you
answer my prayers
swiftly with not one—

two nos. in two days.
don’t you know i am
barren without expectant

child? ask & it shall be
given. knock, the door
will be opened. seek,

find. i wanted answer,
you held me weeping.
my sons knocked open

open your hushing.
i’m here. you’re alright.
this doesn’t define

your worth. you matter,
more so than sparrows
fall. i quiet moment until

mistruth finds your throne;
i don’t believe you can love
me without work (proof).

i cry deaden sorries
long since forgot,
wrapped in hope

you wont let me
give up, jesus,
turn my mourning

start back to joyful
laughter heart—
your namesake.


inspired by this piece on why we cry. I’ve done enough of that yesterday and today. But even though I hate it, I think it’s something deeper than magazines telling me no. It’s how quickly Jesus wraps me up/ How he sits beside me with my desperate please love me I don’t know how to rest with doing nothing. My soul is shh. But my body is work work work. You have to write a poem a day, Julia. You can’t do nothing, read a book. You want to get somewhere in life? Work. Blogging and submitting poetry has become a job to me. Not posting once a day feels off. It’s hard to not write. I do it when I don’t want to, so fulfill my expectation. Somedays I’m fin, but I’m always hoping I can write something to share. I know everyone will live if I don’t post. For awhile. But I can’t stop writing. I know God is bringing healing through it to me and others. But I seriously miss reading. I can’t focus on a book or find enjoyment. I get bored after a few pages. Or tired.

I think my tears have been showing me I’m trying too hard to produce. It’s been heavy on me for awhile. I bet that’s why I keep listening to Hilary Duff and watching Veggietales. Why my phone stopped working for almost a week.

I want to take the longest break with Jesus, rest, but don’t know how. I want to take a break from my depth. I want to receive without feeling guilt not giving back. I meant to make this short and look how that turned out..

I don’t want to lose my love of writing.


One thought on “remembering i’m dust, tendered

  1. Sweet one how you take a break is you simple take one! Take it from someone who doesn’t know how to take a break. Eventually you WILL be forced to if you don’t! Even if it is only a short while it is so worth it to rest.

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