when joy feels unreal?

today i loathe
my words: i
need someone

to tell me i will
be happy again
all the time.

i know happiness
is temporal—books
i can’t read, food un-

tasteful. not even
chocolate satisfies
anymore. an ever

present help
in trouble, where
i’ve internalized

screaming,
pushing;
a physical tug

of war. not
ail of my
soul. you

say you
are my
refuge,

can you
bear distress
I keep bidding

myself fill
by laugh
painful—

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One thought on “when joy feels unreal?

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