echoing, i got you

i can convince
myself, i am crazy.
sorrow heavy inside
my blood flow, behind
each eyelash welling
refusal to let go. next
breath, laughter
consumes my mouth,
tongue drops below
formidable. & here,
i miss you. the bursting
joy breaking a frown
when you heard something
silly, the oncoming rain/sleet/
snow. we mimicked the severity
of each swooping hand motion
the weatherman offered. oh,how
you made me smile, crack heaven’s
door a minute or two before ache
took me still. i held your glance,
“and over in this region..” your
arms flailing right to left, encumbering
water was coming, you know? any
fear my soul kept close at being
frozen to death, vanished under
aged fragility softly spoken in
your child smile—

sometimes, i wonder if when my grandma & i made fun of that dear weatherman, if it was mocking him. i’m sure God knows how hilarious it was/is to me. though, it makes me cry now. all i can say is grandma loved to do this because i’d say how seriously this man takes his job. & after she did it one day, it became a thing. i loved how in these she let go in these moments & the way i felt then, feel now, is a gaping thankful, breaking heart at how much i love her, how much she looked like a child. it’s what i see in my mom & i can’t be more grateful how God shows me i never have to grow up. thank you, God, for how you have loved me, please don’t stop. and a thankful/sorry to the weatherman who brought me some of the greatest moments with my grammy. i promise we weren’t trying to mock. your love for the weather is beautiful.

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