and know, i love you

here, on this bed,
i sit unclean. all
these thoughts
trouble my mind.
the sun is shining,
i am chilled. birds
sing joy right into
heaven’s blue—you
know, the void must
be blackening my eyes.
the nights i’ve found
myself almost shy.
remember, how you
knew i was a first time
lover, looking up ceiling’s
way—pleading innocence
kiss me away? i turned left
& gave forgetfulness way—
the ones i love, the places
& things (family, friends,
the house & window i gazed out).
left me blacked out for the sake
of his smile after we parted. oh,
God—i cry, tremble such the same
when he left me floundering at his
texted goodbye. my mother held
my head, stroking my hair,
promising the pain would lessen
with time—all those days i ate
my tears for breakfast, lunch, &
dinner. grandma watched me weep
a loss with a blue i imagine she’s added
to today’s sky. you know, the wells
i saw in her eyes was precious
living water, pouring out my
eyes now. i am tired, hating
how sorrow holds my hand
a longer span than the joy
i can’t seem to find in this
day you’ve made. & i know
you sympathize with the grief
you’ve promised compassion,
a beautiful crown from ashes,
joyous oil & praise clothing
rather than funeral clothes
drenched in hopeless thought.
you’ve abandoned & forsaken
me for someone new. your thoughts
are higher, not in degree of education,
but love. you
swear the pure of heart
will see your face & i should
pour my heart to you, & you hear
the cries of those who call on you;
weary & heavy laden, you give rest.
you are close to the brokenhearted,
crushed in spirit, you gather me,
your little sheep & carry me
close to your warm heart.
in your arms, i cry: bah,
bah, begging milk
pacify my i don’t
know what to do,
where to go, but
you look at my fearful
twitches. kissing each
eyelash be still—

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One thought on “and know, i love you

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