enraptured in eternity

when heart hammers
against ribcages inside bodies
trembling beneath covers
meant for sleep—i know
the silence you extend
is meaningful. the way
i jump at your touch,
my pulse quickening
thought: i am only dust
before you, nude through
my clothes loose on my skin.
but you are never looking at me
the way of men: “oh. look at the
way she walks cautious, hesitant.
doesn’t she know life is a race to
the finish?” but you look behind
my pale skin, darling, i see how
you swell—nervous laughter
when my spirit kisses your
timid heart, coy smile i’d
never ask refrain mentioning
my name, tears burning
hot, then cold meeting
your top lip & how you
ache the absent light
blue glistening well
you saw in her eyes.
oh, if you knew the
staring you couldn’t,
never can help, delights
my heart, because you
see me. oh, how i watch
you whelm, burning break
out the body you sometimes
think broken beyond belief—
but we share longing to be

dear jesus, i love how when you touch me, i feel similar to when i drink Starbucks, but this is in my heart. and actually my whole body. and the burn makes me want to laugh & cry & wonder & my head sometimes feels loopy, but most times  heavy at how you see me, want me. and i’m sorry my mind gets stuck on lies about fireballs & spurs meaning you’re angry with me. but last night when you laughed into the thunder, i knew you were keeping the devil away. you’re jealous for me. i keep hearing this menacing lie that i am talking about you too much. i know it’s ridiculous, but the fire inside is tough to contain. you don’t want me to try to analyze, but i love you & i want to explode. love, girl mystified

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