so i could see his face again

  

I’ve been working on this since I woke up this morning. I love how God is using my weakeness to remind me of his strength. I didn’t like how he told me to write some of the letters of ‘turned’ backwards & then turn the last three forward, as if he’s facing you. I thought no one would get it. And then I thought I was going to run out of room towards “firm place to stand.” but there was still room. I botched the lips up at the bottom, but maybe it can represent how after screaming for so long, you’re not the sure God even hears you.

It’s not true. Because the birds outside sing like they have no other choice in the matter. The sun is shining like yesterday wasn’t full of greys. The magnolia tree in the backyard has blooms.

& though I have this unclear sadness heavy behind my eyes for reasons I don’t know, God is still on the throne, He’s still in control. He’s still watching me as every sparrow, if not more so.

He still finds me precious in his sight, though I still don’t know what he’s doing & I may be doubting a little.

But he’s the rock I’m clinging on. Though my flesh is screaming, Give up! He’s not coming for you, He’s not going to answer you! My spirit whispers: Take my peace upon you, don’t let go.

And I can’t. He promises the pure of heart will see him. And I don’t want to miss kindest face.

Plus, he knows I’m a tad blind, so it’s way too easy to be lead into darkness.

But how I crave his light.

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