still i cry, where are you?

i don’t want to come
here again—shaking
my fist at how i can
not do this alone. oh,
God, when will relief
come? when will my
body not repulse at food,
or sleep through the night
safe & sound? darkness
knows my name & every
day, i feel veiled from some
evil i don’t want to know.

FMF prompt: relief. It’s raining, dark & I may have a tiny bit of anger toward God for feeling forgotten by him. As if he doesn’t know how I desperately I need him. How I can’t do anything without him. How I wish I wasn’t so needy. But I am. I in no way want to curse God (though I’m pretty sure if I went outside and shook my fist at the sky, it would be disrespectful.), but this is hard.

To constantly see my weakness. How I’m not as patient as I think I am. But when I’m weak, he is strong. And I should rejoice all the more for being disabled, because he is at my right hand, leading me in his compassion.

God, give me patience to wait on you. To not be so upset at myself for my humanness. You know my weakness & i’m sorry i’m a tad complainy today. Let a smile be brought to my face, though the thunder rolls and i don’t know what you are doing.

Faith not sight, I know. Help me believe your love is true. In Jesus’ name, amen..

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