because he’s a sentimental God

a bird cracks up

near my window–

i bet God told the

funniest joke.

knock, knock.

who’s there? sings

the bird. the one i love, 

says the Lord. the one 

i love who? the one

i love knows no REM.

and they laugh a solid 

minute before birdie wonders,

is it me or did he just insult 

my sleeping patterns?

& the Lord said, no, no.

i only want you to know

i never flutter you behind-

Okay, so this isn’t that funny. I’m laying here after not really sleeping last night, and the beginning of this song starts playing in my head. I listen to it all the way through (after looking it up) and this bird just busts up, as if telling the funniest story.
then I start thinking about how it could be God telling me how I don’t get enough REM when I sleep. Because I can tell you, I blink a lot during the day. Mostly into space. 

But anyway, I’m writing this poem and this song, aptly titled, “the one I love” plays in my head. And I’m like: God, I don’t understand how the song is catchy, but the lyrics are sad.

I don’t want to be a prop or come down on my own (whatever that means..I don’t want to know..) independence, maybe? No thanks,

But this is why God is awesome. He’s sentimentally funny. 

And maybe makes me think too much.

And oh, how he loves me.

And my over active mind.

awe my heart

i hear you,
rejoice in me—
what if, i can’t
trust you, me,
anyone. you’re
going to teach
me in the way
i should go.
my legs do not
wish move left
or right. you are
not asking my go.
rejoice. right here.
right now. sing
as the birds out
side your window.
heavy heart wakes
me up: God, i can’t
do this. i grieve
i’m as selfish as they
come; i want what
wastes away. i beg
pardon my doubt,
let me lose myself
your way—

i woke up this morning with a heavy heart–anxiety. i’m laying there telling God how i’m afraid. how i don’t know where he’s going to lead me. or ask. i’m realizing how selfish i am. how i’m too wrapped up in my head with worry. Over past and future stuff. i keep forgetting the present. So, God, in his lovingkindness, gently says: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go with my  loving eye on you.

Then, once I get over myself I started praying for others. and while i’m praying, i feel my heart lift.

it amazes me how much i want to help other people and everything in life right now is a gentle push to bring them to the Savior.

in prayer. i told him it feels unimportant, no one will see it. and he goes: that’s the point, Julia.

I take this as God’s way of, “Duh.” Are  you rolling your eyes, too, God?

The idea of you sitting on your throne with the angels: Finally, she’s getting it! Let’s polka!

You and Grandma in matching robes..I’m thinking pink for her, white for her. dancing to Who Stole the Kieshka (totally spelled that wrong, but let’s go with it…)

I wonder if there’s a holy (happier( version in Heaven: Who Wants to Greet Ya, Won’t You Greet Him Back?

HELLO JESUS! HOW ARE YA?

okay, so I want to keel over in laughter, probably because this is funnier to me than it will be to others. Maybe not.

But this just proves AGAIN how hilarious Jesus is.

And now, I kind of want some quiche…. (I always want quiche after hearing this song. and isn’t keeshka sausage….?)

oh sompingme, let’s dance 😀

Blue Skies

This is hilarious, made me tear up, and marvel at the God’s love once again. So, so good. 🙂 I also wholeheartedly agree with taking cats in a basket–people will be instantly calm 😉

Momsieblog

Linking up with Five Minute Friday today!

The theme:

Screenshot 2015-05-29 10.03.49

Blue Skies

Leap past the window and lean in across tangled sheets, dreams,

A lost sock. Some lost change.

Lost hours of sleep.

It’s sunny today and I feel it through my eyelids and through my glorious plans

for laundry, for folding, for keeping it all clean.

The sun says, “Forget the plans. Go play.”

The boys and I grab our bikes and snacks and backpacks

and one small boy even asks if we can take the cat

“He will fit in the basket mommah I swear.”

And we head out.

The cat, alas, is left behind to ponder and sleep in a spot of sun

by the front door, where we fall over his furry belly, laughing and home and

full bellied from snow cones and snacks and mislaid plans

because today was a blue sky day.

Amen and thank…

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arms holding me eternally tight

yes, maybe i
am blue over
how easily i want
to renounce all
my friends. for
being alone is
easier, than exploding
on who i know: God loves
me like this..my insides
ache with a longing no
human can ever meet.
i want to run aground
this want

FMF prompt: blue. I’ve been watching Jesus start to overwhelm me with this question: will you let me fill your emptiness with myself? i think i’m scared (no, i am) of being brought to the floor in tears with how much he loves me. i’ve been fighting pushing everyone away and locking myself with Jesus, or running to everyone else & leaving him behind (which is silly because he’ll never leave my side).

I’m thankful for who God has placed in my life right now. They make me laugh, look me in the eyes (even when I’m off in lala land, or look like I may break), listen, hug me, hold me, sing with me & encourage me to believe God has a plan for my life.

That’s a good thing he hasn’t withheld from me. God, please help me to relax into your love. Help me receive with open hands. Let me taste & savor your goodness. Grace.

Let me fall in love without knowing.

grace, my mouth gapes 

she comes out

onto the deck,

placing a large 

piece of pie in

front of my face.

why are you giving 

me this? because.

you said you didn’t 

want to eat alone, she

says cheerily. it is not dinner,

but made of peach and lemon

meringue–a light dessert i don’t 

deserve before the proper time,

but before my eyes again, is God.

peace comes over her soul 

move it, buddy.

she says, pointing

to a bug i can’t see

through grass my mind

isn’t settled on. i am singing

about heaven being my home

& she goes quiet, listening or

watching this no friend of her’s

leave melody behind–
Author’s note: God is teaching me to sing, laugh, love. He’s driving me crazy. I know I keep saying this, but it’s amazing me to watch how I want to talk about God and his love for me. It’s overwhelming to say the least.

Especially in the grass while you’re singing and bugs want to be close, but they leave while you praise God a little louder, and the sun shines on you.

Peace.

out where i am alone 

your words wake 

up my mind, slumbering

away the gray–delight

yourself in the Lord &

he will give you the desires

of your heart. i yearn this 

fire not die today. let me

forget anger i’ve harbored

toward your slowness, 

bringing repentance before

your throne. i’m sorry i’m 

content keeping ache for

goodbyes i didn’t ask. i’m

sorry i’m mad watching his

loneliness drive him wilderness

bound & hoping you speak 

tenderly, as with me. i’m sorry 

i want hurry over your compassion

dripping rain water in my tensed

bone–for you keep me wrapped

up in joy when i expect the fall