as if you’re a stranger still

show me the
Father that I may
believe—i am Philip,
swearing i love you so,
but confessing i don’t
know the grandeur
i stand before. when
i breathed in this life
out of my mother’s
womb, my retinas
detached. i screamed
as you let me have
my sight. i imagine you
voiced low: i love you,
little girl. but i cried
& cried & cried the
mystery of you;
how you’ve sat with
me in the dark of my days
& i squint: how can you be
this kind—

i’m reading out of john 14, when Jesus asks Philip: “Have I been so long with you, and yet you have not come to know Me, Philip?” And this comes to mind, which makes think if nit for God, i couldn’t see. which means i wouldn’t be able to write or read. without my glasses, everything is blurry. i literally have to bring every book to my face, even with glasses.

large print makes me feel old. and heavy. and with any book, i always end up reading with my eyes. sometimes i don’t notice. other times i’m all: Jesus . i’m like everyone else now! sometimes  i wonder about people that have stellar vision, do you like it?

but i also forget about people who are blind, or can’t see without glasses/contacts. they probably feel the same as i do. i’m not the only one. there’s something about one of your senses being weak, some of the others are stronger. besides the fact i love holding books in my hands, audio books are awesome! it’s even cooler when you can listen while reading along. seriously, it’s a bed time story way before bed. all the time.

where i am going with this? i have no clue, other than i may squint to see Jesus, but i think thats where walking by faith, not sight.

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