longing to fly

 

 their feet swing
forward & back,

back & forth while 

a note swells in my ear-

crashing against my heart,

like their young toes wishing 

to touch the sky.

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who looked over me with compassion

God,
i think one angel
moved to sit beside me
here in this darkened room.
was it her—grandma? alone,
i know not what to say, i am
afraid i am wrong. suddenly
i mourn the presence of woman

fmf prompt: alone. it’s 2:10 a.m. i tried going to sleep at 12 something but found myself staring at the ceiling, crying. it’s been a very difficult two weeks for me. disappointment. hiding true feelings about it only to fight with God about being so angry over not getting what want. and hurt. and joyful over giving this thing (launch party tickets) to someone closer). And then absolute silence. From what feels like God.

I don’t understand why when I am hurting, He brings new and dear friends, where we share our hearts, prayers and somehow through the waiting and confusion, there is God’s love. May not be as I’d like but my heart lifts the same.I love how he loves me through them & lets me do the same/ Also, I wrote the poem to this. Still makes me emotional every time. i totally understand the song now.

but not without you

Jesus laughs
with little children,
she said.

in my memory
we are clasped –
Your left for my right.

laughter escapes
the smiling mouth
awed at my curiosity –

I was young, tiny
in the hold of Love,
vistas blue above.

green trees before,
beside and mt Father –
how well I am known

within my heart.
pride has ensnared
my foot – Daddy,

I want to be right!
I can fix this – – –
I want to grow up,

like you,

this pretty much my last night and this last week. Thank you, Michelle for inspiring the beginning of this. 🙂 I can’t get the words out of my head. I’m so thankful for you. ❤

He came to me like rain this morning. And just like that butterfly I saw while singing this yesterday. He’s got something just up ahead. It’s probably more of Him. 🙂

rush in love, Sunday

you are kind
when my eyes 
meet yours–
God, is this good?

I think to an otherwise

empty room, only me
& the quietest companion

of the trinity. Holy Spirit,

maybe I can’t see the color
of your pupils, but blue

comes to mind–a river

prompt: You meet a man named Sunday. What is he like?

From this lovely woman & her rambles.

Rereading this, I love how I still can’t perceive God. But think he’s further off than the Holy Spirit. And he’s silent, looking at me always with the wells of love.

God, you aren’t as distant as I think because you say your loving eye is upon me. All the time. The Holy Spirit reminds me of your words. And sits with me in the dark, the questions, the way I think you may have turned away, leaving me more anxious than I wish to admit?

What is my consolation for this?

You loves me yesterday. You love me today. You’ll me tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Next year.

You have forever on your mind. And this isn’t going to shift, like shadows I sometimes think walk around my bed at night. The way I cower under the blanket, as the they sit bedside: the quietest reminder I am not alone.

This gift from my Father, full of light, who runs toward me with intention to share his heart.

This creepy, slithery serpent named, Anxiety needs crushing. LORD, your name is a fortress, so come quick with reminder of your love. With your face, because my inside is unnerved and tense & there is no need worry, when your thoughtful plans are always to prosper, not harm.

A hope in you for the future you have for me.
Fight for me, Lord, as I wait still.

here in my blindspots

You always come

and find me when 

I am not looking.

You fly above 

the roof, bright 

yellow & my mouth

gapes a little. How

You know my confusion,

wanting to know what is

happening.

Trust Me, the whisper

that won’t leave me.

you will exalted as long

as I stay still & know

You are, my God,

** fmf prompt: find. This has been a week of waiting, disappointment, and giving. Oh and more waiting. Somehow God knows I’m depressed and confused, because my promise for today: be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted over all the earth. Also, I saw a yellow butterfly again. A sign of His love. So, I’m holding on & feeling the breeze. And breathing out the worry.
Cue more worship music.