stenazo in & through me

i care too much—
heartache on another
tongue grappling for answer:
why?
my inside quiet; i have
not heard my heartbeat
wild expectation. i can’t
sit with helplessness—

God, there i went
sharing how i am not
assertive & do not move
at the speed of life light.

my flesh cies, squirms
where i sur: you can’t do
this! get up! boring! Jesus—
i stare at the blue patches

of my sock, until You
quiet me with a shh
from the secret place,
where You pray.

stenazo: to groan or sigh deeply. i don’t know why this word is so cool. but i totally should’ve asked the owner of this greek restaurant i went to last night. this man radiated joy that it made my insides shake with overwhelming love..

he comes over to the table & points, saying, “you like that?” I tell him, yes, it’s very good.  and almost like a secret you tell a dear friend:you know, i’m making more because we love it so much..i love mozzarella. with laughter and kind eyes. then he said enjoy, and walked away. i caught him singing while he cooked and he said hello to every single person that walked in the door.

it was beautiful the way Jesus showed himself in a way i didn’t expect. He’s been doing this quite a bit this week. I know he always is, I’m not always aware. I want to be more aware even if that means I can’t speak.

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