as I die to me

our Father in heaven,
this morning over french toast,
I lost control—change comes
without announcement, &

i scream, no, no, no!
i want to hold on, even
as I cry, hallowed still
is Your name. foe every

loss brings me wait
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done—
love move closer

on earth as in heaven
(eternal light, love, no
update) give me this say
my piece of daily bread.

do not conform to this
(wanting, wanting, wanting)
world. who here wants things
the same? oh, me & the old

say no to newfangled technology.
i remember the days she spent
talking tot a friend through
the cordless about family,

weather, news, recipes
she loved being around
family—I saw the way
her blue eyes sparkled

truth quiet: holiness
lies in the facial,
reaching out with
a tissue because

your heart aches.
forgive me my anger,
as i forgive those who
hurt me—lead me not

to fear, a deliver me
from lies I warrant belief—
all change is sorrow.
for Yours is the power

to help me accept good
You wish fill my hands
& heart, hoping I bring
You forever glory

I’ve learned today I’m still a child who doesn’t like change.even good change, my body and my brain are: NO JULIA HOLD ON TO ALL THINGS! YOU CAN DO IT!  And my heart is quiet.I can’t hold onto all. people go. words go. places chane. everything is seasonal & my heart knows that. i think it also doesn’t process immediate change well. even if the change is good, i’m like: I don’t know…

i need help embracing the good, instead of: oh, this is horrible, now I have less. what do I do?! Something I think Jesus makes room in my life for goodness physically, so I will open my eyes, hands to his love.

also, this poem was written after i updated my iOS which was updated in March. so I lost some stuff like messages and apparently pictures I’m going to have to go through and delete again. In a way, this reminds me of my smallness and Jesus’ promise: Don’t fear, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged or dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and uphold you with my righteous right hand.

And I have to take Him at His world, the One unchangeable.

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