where My face will shine

do not be afraid,
God tells Abram—

(whispered in this heart)

for I will protect you

(wrap me up in eternal
arms never to withhold))

and your reward will be

how will I know?

(doubt sobs through
my bones, looking in
the mirror, weakness

count the stars, if you can,
says the Lord to this soon
to be father of many nations.

(their beauty leaves a heart
burn I will never understand,
but is this what you experience

my God, Abba, Friend, gazing
my sorrow?) these will be your
descendants. Abram believed

(does this desires of my will be
granted. too?)

I AM the Lord , who rescued

you from Ur (valley of Achor)
& brought you to this land

as an unlikely home

I woke up today & my eyes were hurting & then it all just kinda went down from there. I think I may be coming out of my numbness a bit that I’ve this year. I sure know how to cry. That’s what I’ve done/felt like doing the last few hours. You know those times you don’t understand why Jesus bothers to stay with you? Or loves you because your heart keeps coming open, which then leads you to talk about how Jesus has saved you? and then you’re sharing how you want to follow God with someone? And you despise your honesty..but it’s the truth you don’t want to admit it, until you do.

And then you tell God, you hate your honesty, because deep down you don’t know if it’ll happen or if you want that. and you weep because sometimes the thread of hanging and the promise of God to Abram, about God protecting him, leaves you gasping and staring in the mirror, with your mind screaming, I’m sorry Jesus! over and over.

yep, one of them those days. (i love the raw honesty in the version..feeling it deep today)


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