which is not Instagram

in this lighted room,
I read aloud David’s
pleads, Lord, if you
do not come soon,
I will be devoured.
do not delay your
rescue—so quiet,
sudden, comes
the slithering one.
Come see who
loves you, he says.

I stay still, the Word
asking me see what
is true—you came into
my aching heart;
My darling. I
don’t seek to flatter
you, as some means to

an end, but
love you with all I AM.

The Devil is trying to avert my attention every other day (okay EVERY DAY.) it feels. The past week or two, I’ve watched how Satan disguises himself as light. And God is giving nudges, “this isn’t good for you. not the one. DISAPPOINTMENT IS COMING.” (He really didn’t yell that one.) And then one day, you know goodbye is needed, but you want to hang on, but you obey God, finally. And as you cry at night because your heart hurts, you know how God has came through on His word, He will protect you and rescue you from what you think you want. He knows I deserve so much better than that. The heart really is desperately sick. I know mine is.

And today while I was reading Psalm 22, I see notification from Instagram. And while normally I would go look right away, I waited til it passed and finished reading the psalm about God, who does what He says, only to find that it was spam. To gain Instagram fame.

If I would’ve given into that, I would’ve been  distracted for at least 30 mins by the feed I’d already looked at twice before. But I felt the nudge to stay there because I needed reminded. Even though I feel like God’s leaving me alone, He’s not. The darkness I’ve been only seems to draw me back to him. To sing songs where I first heard Him. To when I was young and loved to draw. To watching The Skit Guys, where I learned God isn’t as serious as I think. To a letter from a dear friend I’ve missed more than I realized, who will get more hugs and tears from me, after I get over the shock over seeing her again. To admitting to myself and another friend, I have a pride issue. To praying more than I have.

I love how God will not let me go. I love how patient and caring He is. I love how He’s going to keep showing me there’s a place for me here. Til it sinks in my heart & overcomes my darkness.

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