look at my dissension

i love the way
green colors trees
in spring & summer—
never the heaviness
holding down my heart
all year round.
why she’s liking that
photo by my friend?
why can I function
better broken, aching
with a grievous heart
than I can? why was i
duped by such pretty
words yet again? why
can’t i be less open? i
want to read so many

fmf: green. my favorite color, which also happens to be the color of envy, which leads to pride. and control. and guess who has that? me. that’s why i want to read any book about Jesus I can, so i can ignore the grief, the fact i want to be understood by friends or someone I meet, but the more I spend time with Jesus. reading his word, I want to stay. He listens to EVERYTHING. The silence, tears, and the longingI have to be smothered in his love. Though, I almost was severely distracted by FB (I don’t use anymore, but I log into 8tracks with it), he pulled me back to write this. All social media has shown me how quickly I become envious or feel i’m not good enough. but this year in all it;s confusion, hurt, guilt i’ve felt, i’ve felt pulled into Jesus’ embrace over and over. and know he’s guiding and tenderly leading me by my weakness (right hand).

(this isn’t part of the five minutes & i could write a lot mire,but I need to focus on the ending of the paragraph.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand. (psalm 73)

and this.

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