where light will touch me

I need to see you,
God—goodness &
mercy shall follow me
all the days of life, even
as my thoughts expose
fear my fingers openly
type. I am attracted to
your light; I want to bask
in the glow of holiest laugh
haunting my days. in my dreams,
I am left alone in a car rolling to my
death. all in my mind, I know, but my
God, I don’t want to go into the dark.
I have no control and the past voices
scream condemnation, hold me hostage:
You should be ashamed of speaking your
mind. you have no right to say what you have.
she should have never forgiven you. why can’t
work harder? you did this to yourself. You should
move on—God, for it is good to wait on you, no
shame comes upon my face, who calls upon you
purely to see your face. mighty are you, to save
the crushed in spirit, brokenhearted. near to me,
are you, who calls me fearfully & wonderfully made,
a little lamb knowing stray. if you left the ninety-nine
to search for me, I’d stare blankly before a cry broke
loose: you won’t relent and I can’t take this anymore.
I’m growing cold from the pain & yes, the anger seeks
root, I was not made for murder—please show me rest
beside greenest pasture.

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