with you. 

quiet the thought 
that says, you are in
this waiting room forever-

I can feel the heat rise to

the surface, sweat over what

I’ve yet know. mystery of the 

Father whispers, I love you so.

Don’t wring your hands, hear my

song over your slumped frame,

Beloved, welcome home. I am

I don’t remember the last I wrote a poem for only  5 mins in the quiet, but it was a little scary. Also, the last line resonates with what I read this morning. All I can see in my mind is a blurry image of him wrapping me in his arms. And the biggest smile ever. I subconsciously think Jesus is gone in the wait, but nope. He just keeps on singing, even if I am VERY slow to hear. 

I’m thankful he delights in me so. 🙂

Who wants to break busy?

I signed up to launch Breaking Busy by Alli Worthington to be busy.

And “finding your purpose in a world full of crazy” caught my attention.

I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself. About capacity. The signs of over capacity – like anger/fear over not being able to meet my demand. Such as not posting enough blurbs about this book on my blog, Instagram, other social media outlets. 

I’ve posted nothing on the blog about this book. I wanted to take myself less seriously (as I do with most things) with this, but as Alli says, out of control emotions often reflects the out-of-control commands we place on ourselves. My thoughts didn’t relent, as I’m sure most people experience when demands on self are too high.

Who here is carrying out-of-control demands on themselves thanks to themselves? Yes, me, I’m looking at you. 

The other major point I took is from the final chapter on worth. If you’ve read my blog for any length time, you know how easily I beat myself up over things. We’ve all done it.

Past mistakes. 

Seeming failures. 

Letting someone down. 

They’re always looming in the back of the mind. 

Alli talks a lot about the armor of God in this chapter. I’ve always envisioned this as a night writing in and saving me. Clearly my my perception on God is off, if I don’t believe I’m allowed to wear the armor. 

But the meaning is deeper: taking up his Word upon myself.  

So when he says, do not be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen and hold you up with my victorious right hand, I must believe. I’ve learned while reading this book there is an enemy who would like nothing more than to see my joy. 

No matter how small in the last few weeks, he has found a way to make me believe the lies:

You are invisible.

You should hurry up and figure out your life. 

You are weak. 

Needy. 

Stuck. 

It has been hard to put to these lies out of my brain. To not explode on those who love me. Or sit in silence, feeling anxiety making my palms sweaty. Or cry out of confusion.

Breaking Busy came in my life when I’ve convinced myself I need to strive. I cannot take myself lightly. I need to prove myself or I will not be acceptable.

Before reading this book, I never understood how much I fight against others or myself. How I don’t listen to what comes out of my own mouth & take what other’s say as condemnation, rather than: I love you. I think you’d be good at this.”

My fight isn’t against anyone, but the forces of darkness in the heavenly places. And my worth has nothing to do with me or anyone else, but Jesus.
He calls me by name. I am his.
He comes to me, My daughter, you’ve always had me. Come inside–and like the older brother, I stand, unsure.

The look in his eyes I imagine say:

I make you worthy.

To believe this is to break busy.

The way Alli tells her story, through humor, honesty, and practical tips: the five Fs of decision making from simple to life-changing; to the types of communicators we are, make this book relatable to anyone.

If you struggle with over-capacity, making decisions, your thought patterns, or the serpent of shame, this book is worth the read. 
And we can stop wringing our hands together.