I look at the glittered J
on the base of my cane,
surrounded by all diadems–
I cannot think of my name
but yours, ah yes, how sweet
it is to trust you, Jesus. I don’t
understand the blood pouring
steady & sure beneath my bone,
the ache asking me be still & know.
You are God.
Cease all striving.
Fail. Abba, we are
here inhaling truth-
Don’t despair, I’ll save you
from the faraway places.
Your depression days
are over. I’ll cure your
diseases, redeem your
life from the pit & crown
you with my love. You will
be satisfied with good things,
renewed as an eagle
spreading wings. My compassion
Is coming for thee. We breath out
the lies: You are punishing me forever.
I’m hopelessly in fear. You don’t care,
blocking up Your holy
You hear me cry, see my
tears fall as I stare up in black
unknown–God, hear my plea:
bring wonder, turn my heels
back. Let my mind go blank &
tears of joy fall to the floor.
Let me dance, my spirit
uproar in praise to You,
my Abba, friend, & counselor.
so this week has been interesting. Today my friend Miah, released her first book!! A book about letting go of perfectionism and how God uses you without you even realizing it.
I had the opportunity to read this a few months ago after reaching out to Miah. God really does work in interesting ways because when she liked a photo of something on my Instagram, I went a little crazy seeing the title of her upcoming book.
Of course I wanted to read it, but something in me was drawn to the word, reluctant. I spent many days: God, I want to read her book. Please please please?! I felt asking would be weird. I also didn’t want to go all launch crazy.
I emailed her one day and then she sent her along in an email, after I told her my struggle with not knowing where God is leading me. And being introverted. I was only to read it. I really was.
Then, I went crazy. Not launch crazy. Edit crazy. I didn’t even mean to. I sat on my phone and made notes. That isn’t the worst part. I had such a longing to help mixed with heavy expectation to catch everything in a decent time frame, that I pushed myself hard. I also emailed Miah telling her how I was crying because I wanted it to be perfect. To get it done before her deadline.
God had serious compassion on me. Serious. I finished and I highly doubt I caught everything, especially since I kept checking myself to make sure I didn’t change something based on how I would say something. (Tough one for me)
I think I’m telling this because what I experienced while reading her book, happens any time I take anything on–perfection mad. But I don’t know perfection is as God does. He never looks for me to do something perfect, He asks for what I have. My small offering and He takes care of the rest.
He also shows me continuously how a thank you!! makes my soul dance & how it doesn’t even compare to $. It’s food enough.
Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary blogging here. I wanted to write something to honor it or something, but I’m still in shock. I also keep wanting to take a look at my first poem I wrote. See if it compares with today’s. As in if I still feel the same. I’m think shocked more that I’ve stuck with this for so long and let evolve from poetry to some prose.
Shock. I wonder what the rest of the week will bring. Oh, and I was chosen to help launch this book. If God could be any funnier or subtle about inviting me to come out hiding, I think I’m getting the point 🙄. God is hilarious. Really.