You have & will again 

  

I look at the glittered J

on the base of my cane,
surrounded by all diadems–

I cannot think of my name

but yours, ah yes, how sweet 

it is to trust you, Jesus. I don’t 

understand the blood pouring 

steady & sure beneath my bone, 

the ache asking me be still & know.

You are God. 

Cease all striving.

Fail. Abba, we are

here inhaling truth-

Don’t despair, I’ll save you 

from the faraway places.

Your depression days

are over. I’ll cure your 

diseases, redeem your

life from the pit & crown 

you with my love. You will

be satisfied with good things,

renewed as an eagle 

spreading wings. My compassion

Is coming for thee. We breath out

the lies: You are punishing me forever. 

I’m hopelessly in fear. You don’t care, 

blocking up Your holy 

ear.

You hear me cry, see my 

tears fall as I stare up in black 

unknown–God, hear my plea:

bring wonder, turn my heels 

back. Let my mind go blank &

tears of joy fall to the floor.

Let me dance, my spirit 

uproar in praise to You,

my Abba, friend, & counselor.
so this week has been interesting. Today my friend Miah, released her first book!! A book about letting go of perfectionism and how God uses you without you even realizing it. 

I had the opportunity to read this a few months ago after reaching out to Miah. God really does work in interesting ways because when she liked a photo of something on my Instagram, I went a little crazy seeing the title of her upcoming book.

Of course I wanted to read it, but something in me was drawn to the word, reluctant. I spent many days: God, I want to read her book. Please please please?! I felt asking would be weird. I also didn’t want to go all launch crazy.

I emailed her one day and then she sent her along in an email, after I told her my struggle with not knowing where God is leading me. And being introverted. I was only to read it. I really was.

Then, I went crazy. Not launch crazy. Edit crazy. I didn’t even mean to. I sat on my phone and made notes. That isn’t the worst part. I had such a longing to help mixed with heavy expectation to catch everything in a decent time frame, that I pushed myself hard. I also emailed Miah telling her how I was crying because I wanted it to be perfect. To get it done before her deadline.

God had serious compassion on me. Serious. I finished and I highly doubt I caught everything, especially since I kept checking myself to make sure I didn’t change something based on how I would say something. (Tough one for me)

I think I’m telling this because what I experienced while reading her book, happens any time I take anything on–perfection mad. But I don’t know perfection is as God does. He never looks for me to do something perfect, He asks for what I have. My small offering and He takes care of the rest.

He also shows me continuously how a thank you!! makes my soul dance & how it doesn’t even compare to $. It’s food enough.

Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary blogging here. I wanted to write something to honor it or something, but I’m still in shock. I also keep wanting to take a look at my first poem I wrote. See if it compares with today’s. As in if I still feel the same. I’m think shocked more that I’ve stuck with this for so long and let evolve from poetry to some prose.

Shock. I wonder what the rest of the week will bring. Oh, and I was chosen to help launch this book. If God could be any funnier or subtle about inviting me to come out hiding, I think I’m getting the point 🙄. God is hilarious. Really.

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2 thoughts on “You have & will again 

  1. Loved the poem (Psalm 103 my fave!) and I loved the prose. Now I need to check out that book and your editing comments. I love your willing heart to help others. That’s Jesus in you. I see him.

    • Thank you (☺️) it’s a good book. Taught me a lot about what I’m through right now with the doubt and discouragement and condemnation. I see Jesus in you too, you know ❤️

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