love I cannot pretend

what color do you 

think of when you 

think of the word,

alive? this question 

comes at the end of

a chapter–red because 

I have bled a weight of

guilt, shame, regret I know 

Abba, I need to remember 

You taking. Sacrifice of time,

energy, self surrender I am learning, 

because a memory 

surfaces: a

fmf prompt: alive.

Abba, I don’t understand how You turn me round and round even as You are watching me sink into momentary despair. I hear the whispers loud in my head: why don’t you give up? Did you really just talk about going to heaven now, but you don’t really want to yet? Shame. You have to hoard everything up for yourself, no sharing. Not getting you anywhere, is it now?

But You turn me toward You, Love. And I can’t turn away. The way You speak so gently I want to cry, but I stare at You.

What did You say?

I love you.


I love you.

But I..

I know.

I will..

I have..

I am..


My child.


Fearfully made.

Never forgotten.

Held by your weakness,

My strength. Hidden under 

My wing. Infinitely more

valuable than a sparrow

falling to the ground.

Led & fed by My Spirit

in the wilderness where 

darkness has crept stealthy,

but I have encamped around you 

with My promise yet unbroken: 

I will lift up your head.


3 thoughts on “love I cannot pretend

  1. Oh, you. I’ve had my ‘don’t really want to yet’ moments, too, and know the joy that comes once we realise His love. It will see us through. Helen {An FMF friend}

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