where you are whole

breathe in –

I will love you

lavishly, lift up

your head, answer

you & satisfy. Oh,

beloved, till the end 

of time I will look on,

after, at you the same: 

with compassion. I have

heard you say, I had a dream.

what? when? why? are you sure me? I 

want to help her, but I don’t understand 

it. the peace. why my insides feel as if 

may burn me alive. If this is what it 

means to wrap my around Your name–

Abba, the patience You ask of me

while I sit at Your blessed feet–Go and 

sin no more. No more doubt. No more 

fear. No more shame. I am with you here. 

I am holding you up, in this longing, in 

this wait I am loving you. From this 

valley, you are growing up toward the 

spring sky. My April baby, don’t you see 

I’ve heard your cry, cradle me, Daddy. 

Awaken me from under

the apricot tree, bring me into Your

arms & tell me again, here’s my heart. 

It’s known to beat for you alone; I’ve 

loved you first so you may see-the words 

in a maternal tone with gentleness, care 

& concern-Me

Abba, I am thankful for how you hold me together with the utmost care when I literally am going crazy in my head to You. And I can’t cry or anything else. I have to sit literally still and know that You are my Abba. Who woos me to create when I have no strength and tired and crabby as a child is. Who takes care of me when I don’t want to take care of me. And who is my warrior mother, who cheers me on and defends me like nobody’s business. This is how you come to me and hold me and I’m just so thankful you get me and are here because without you, I’m pretty sure, I’d give up by now. But oh, how you lift up my face. 
In other news: Brazen is probably one of the most fun launches I’ve been a part of so far. I’m pretty I’ve made 2 friends, one who has been on EVERY SINGLE LAUNCH TEAM I’ve been on so far with this manager and God just likes to surprise at the most interesting times. I’ve never laughed or smiled so much to God. It’s hilarious.

Collages are stressful and so much fun. I get to make a Brazen board of all shamelessly unapologetic things. Like my desire to stand on a beach and look at the water. Really it’s to go on a road trip, but working what I have right now. And to be as unhooked and light as ice cream. 😂

And the best thing I’ve learned so far: God has a feminine side. I knew this, but the Leanna explained it: Whoa.

God woos (woo wasn’t her word, but I’m a little lazy right now) me to create with my senses.

He is a caretaker.

And my absolute favorite: God as a warrior mother! This one totally explains why I’m drawn to moms. And how I see God protect and defend and cheer and all other things she said in the book I can’t remember, in my own and the ones who have become friends.

It’s a beautiful thing when an author puts to words what you haven’t understood. You feel slightly crazy but then you laugh and want to dance around and give them a hug.

And say thank you over and over to them and to God. Because you know even though the process is slow, you know he’s resurrecting you.

Seriously this book is so good and this is part one.

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