Five minutes 

is all takes for me

to look out the window

& see a butterfly pass 

by to the left — another

flies to the right. It’s an 

an invisible X marks the spot,

I am the seal upon Your heart.

The one You are jealous, whom

brings You delight–do I really,

fmf: five.

I originally wanted to write this about how it takes five minutes to sing to God. I changed it because writing to music means sometimes losing yourself in a song.. 

I love how if I stare out the window here at the table long enough butterflies will fly by, or do nose dives. Yesterday, one was flying really close to the window and stopped in the middle for a few seconds. Like it was looking at me, waving, “Julia! How are you doing?” And keeps going..

It is momentary delights that keep me hanging on during a week of temptation and a question to give up my dreams. Dreams that are still there but the motivation isn’t right. It is weird when you find yourself crying over a friend going after something you want, and all you want to do is rejoice but jealousy  has reared it’s ugly head. I hate with every fiber of my being, this jealousy. It convinces me there is not enough and there will never be so don’t you even try. But the beauty is this friend continues to encourage you on the path God clearly has you AND still asks for your help with her dreams.

And you sit there: God, I want to REALLY rejoice, not be all woe is me. And I still want to help. God, why does dying to self have to hurt so much? 

What is happening with my dreams?

And what is with the word ‘delight’ coming up everywhere?

And with all the random that are my thoughts, the word has been consistent either a bit before or after I read this in Breathing Eden by Jennifer J Camp. This book is so healing and there is no way I’ll be done by the release, Oct. 4th. But there is a depth in bein able to connect with 40 fictional women and have God’s responses somehow speak to you in some way every time, that is just wow. I feel this intimacy with God and just being able to let lose with a prayer at the end of every story. It’s so good.

This concludes my rambles for today.

6 thoughts on “Abba?

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