be found in Yours still.

On this journey,

I don’t know where

I am going. I know it is

new, a wide open space

I can walk through. A voice

speaks behind me, this is the 

way I want you to go. This voice, so calm 

& so sure, with

light beaming all around. How

could I not trust His intentions 

even as still don’t know. Abba,

please don’t let me go. May my

right hand

Fmf: Journey.

This week I’ve learned two things: I can cry at the truth. Or laugh. The crying part came from one sentence in a text: Julia, will you please just let God bless you? (It actually isn’t written this way, but that’s how i read it. The weeping that came and the heaviness in my heart, whoa. I don’t understand my refusal to let God bless me, well, actually, yes I do. All I’ve done and the pain I’ve experienced. You can’t possibly want to give me this when you know my heart, God. When you know I tend to look for someone to take care of me and can easily turn them into an idol. I’ve gotten used to being alone with you and trying to tell you or crying because I so easily turn away. I cry because I want to see you. I need you. And maybe this is typical of being on the threshold of something new, you panic. Well, you don’t God, but I do. The panic really shows me my need for you. And I heard somewhere that anywhere you are is my comfort zone. So, when I get on the plane next week, you will be there. When I get off, you will be there. When I say hi to this friend finally not through text or phone calls, you will be there. You know the desires you placed in my heart that I still don’t understand, but make me all: WHAT IS GOING ON? What is with this peace?! And I don’t have to know because I think if I did, I’d still be hesitant. But I really have to thank you for how you’ve given me the courage to ask and a father who seems to be very excited to take me. It’s very interesting how You do things. Oh and if you want to surprise me any more because this is a big one to me, go ahead. Delight away.

And the laughing part is that apparently to Megan (who told me to let God bless me. She’s a really good friend, she is. Let’s me just ramble on..and then gets me with some truth. She really knows how to sharpen me 😉), I write A LOT. It’s funny because I don’t actually notice until I go back through stuff. With the amount of journals I’ve gone through this year (5-6 I think), it’s a lot. And if you let me, I’ll write novelish texts and emails. 😂 God has given me some seriously awesome friends who are fine to take this. I’m glad he doesn’t mind either.☺️

This is very novel like. Well, sorta. I think I take fmf to tmf (ten minute Friday. Maybe more. Lol)

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3 thoughts on “be found in Yours still.

  1. Hey Julia, I linked up at the same time as you today on FMF! I loved what you shared, thank you for the honesty and the poem, almost reflected my own feelings. But you know what, God loves you and you are blessed and you are a blessing! May you have a wonderful weekend blessings Aliyah – I pray you experience showers of blessings that you cannot contain them :))))

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