how you meet
me here with quiet
& confidence that comes
From your word: you will
give me strength, refine
me in the furnace of affliction
so I may come forth as gold–
Lord, I long to be shiny again,
with laughter’s tears, not grief
stricken with thoughts all this
will always be the same.
Something is happening to me. On the outside I’m still up & down, but my inside is randomly feeling some serious joy. The more time I spend with Jesus, the more I want to. The more things become confusing the more I find myself being drawn to be still, to listen to him sing. To pour out my heart. He’s amazing with how he’s bringing verses back to me and how other songs with his word keep playing in my head almost like they’re on a loop.
And then there’s this yesterday:
I haven’t colored in my bible in so long. So when I opened to this other day, I was all smiley and ooh! And then wanted to color yesterday. God is stopping at nothing to be alone with & I just want to suck up all his words. All the ones that lift my soul. And all the melodies he leads me to. The hardest thing for me is watching how I still run to other people and want to share my joy or want them to fix my sorrow. But I’m learning the more I turn to him even just a bit, he’ll hold me still and comfort me. Waiting is hard. Especially when it feels like all your dreams are dying and a part of you is watching them go and another trying to hold on.
But your heart knows it’s better to be still and know He is God. He will be exalted over all and keep the fire in your soul.
Jesus, here i am,
wanting more &
less, but more Your
hand. Pull me back
or forward into Your
arms again-the only
arms strong enough
to hold me. Let Your
banner enfold me with
a love song I can hear
from miles wide-let my
cry be calm
This week. It has felt like many late night crying to God. Crying because I miss friends and want to do so many things, but so thankful for who He’s put in my life. who listen & tell me sweetest truth: relax. When I’m watching myself go down the prove myself going to lose everything track, this song speaks into the truth I’m trying to embrace. To make space to wait and see and breathe and hope even though that’s the hardest thing it feels like right now. When I’m so tired because my mind is racing with dreams and fears that maybe I’m a little crazy not to push harder. But then a book reminds me what God has for me won’t miss me and his word says:
He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. (Psalms 23:3 NLT)
And this today: But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:31, NLT)
I’ve heard this second verse in a song (so much laughter at the of this video, love it.) and I’m feeling like I need literal strength, but what can I praise him for in the meantime? Halos, those little tangelos that are easier to peel and so yummy. A taco, egg drop soup, crab ragoon and a fortune cookie that told me last night the rainbows treasures would be mine (I’m thinking god’s faithfulness instead of gold) from my sister. A friend who texts you questions and random pics of things that make you laugh because God is good at holding things together in heart even if there’s distance physically. Another friend reminding you all is well even if your heart wants to convince you otherwise. Good books. Sompingme (The silliness between me and my mom and the way a smile will well up in my heart and then spread across my mouth at this word, 😍). Prayer. That God listens, hears, sees and promises he is doing something new even if it’s hard to preceive and I want it right now. That he loves me right here, right now in the middle.
I come here
to the kitchen table
again, to find you.
Abba, to connect
with you. As a child
asks for their favorite
meal: I feast on your word:
Keep me safe, o God. In my ears I hear,
for He who promised is faithful. Hope,
come life up again, give me
a spirit lift, a turbo st
A new year. A new word. A rediscovery of an artist that I cannot turn off.
Delight. I tried to write this on my Buddha board, one of the gifts my sister gave me for Christmas. I only used once and the frustration came quick but receeded as I realized this might be one of the best gifts. It’s one of Jesus’ subtle reminders, hey, relax. I don’t expect you to be so serious with it. I’m not as serious with you.
Yes, Jesus, I want to say, but do you feel the tension inside?! What if I break it? Look. 😂 I really am hard on myself. The brush had a stray bristle & I almost had a breakdown.
But this year, I’m going to try to delight in God as much in the hard and more in the good. I really need to work on both. And I’m praying as I do, he’ll draw close.
“The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
Psalms 37:23 NLT
May this be true of this year, Abba, as you teach me to delight in you.