Is it safe to say
I’m uncomfortable with
this pause in my life, Lord?
When I’m still my tears find
their way out, like the blood
continuously flowing through
this body not mine. Yes, I’m
your temple, but I wonder when
all my heart meets you, you have turned.
The anger comes
in a wave & I tell you again, I hate myself.
Please just…where are you? I’m a small
child who waits to be scolded for the
outburst in my head, but I don’t
hear what I want
Ever have one of those weeks where everything that comes out your mouth is a complaint or anger or sadness that will not stop? And you want it to stop and try to be quiet but your heart is all, That’s I’m done! Jesus can we go now? I have had enough of my humanity, my brokenness. Are You sure You want all of my heart because it’s gross to me. I don’t like that I want to punch You or beat on Your chest because everything is You and me. And I just want to be held and I can’t really see You. I can except maybe I’m trying so hard to see that really You want me to rest. So that You can come in and show me I’m safe in Your embrace. I feel so helpless and tired without You. And I know You tell me I can be helpless with You and You will carry me. Please do. I’m a little sheep, who doesn’t know her way.
Yes, one of those weeks.
“In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”
1 Peter 5:10 NLT
Holding on to this.