My emotions rise
to the surface – slow
as I’m without feeling as
I tell You, God, it’d be real
nice if you could take me
to heaven now, just part the
Sky and take me up even though I’d
probably be terrified.
I can’t believe the dog wiped mud on my
pants before I have to go to the doctor,
but I don’t even know what I’m cleaning
myself up for. I’m dirty – I’m well aware
as I sit and stare at the sky as I listen to
the voices inside rise. And something
within wants to bend, break,
Today I learned something very interesting: I gained 7 pounds from May of last year. From being 102. I don’t get it. With the way last year went, I’m surprised I don’t lose more. But God really is sustainer with what little I’ve eaten, but other than that I’m healthy and all cleared for surgery. Other things I’ve learned that no matter how many times you ask God, are you here? while you’re sitting in the waiting room and then at home, he shows up with tuna and a doughnut and Gatorade. And here:
11 You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance. (Psalms 65:11 NLT) I read that this morning and said I’d like to see Him in the hard places and sometimes I think he likes being funny with doughnuts or food in general. He’s a funny God, He is. And I love that He won’t let go in the silence, fear, sorrow and just plain awe.
Please awe me more, God, please, please.