me personally enough I want to trust You.


The truth is I’m tired. Tired of trying, pushing, waiting, aching, hurting. And yet, I find myself in the shower tonight worshipping You. What else am I supposed to do? If it is a test, all these things that keep happening and this distance I feel for people, friends I dearly love and yet at others times feel so close to, I still want to believe the best right now. I still want to believe You can restore things to better than before. You can make me smile. Again. You can touch 

fmf: truth.

I want to do this big commentary about how I’m tired of myself and in general but I’m just going to put this verse I read in proverbs last night (I can’t believe I made it to Proverbs in my bible in a year plan. It’s awesome and shocking) because focusing on Jesus is better. And it is too easy to sink in sorrow right now.

“The blessing of the LORD brings [true] riches, And He adds no sorrow to it [for it comes as a blessing from God].”

‭‭PROVERBS‬ ‭10:22‬ ‭AMP‬

I totally want to see this and also I’m little confused as to why it says God as no sorrow to the blessing because it comes Him. It really makes me wonder yet again, You’re always happy, God? But you suffer with us? But you are love so it delights you to bless me when I’m sad or happy or mad or whatever because that’s who you are: good at your center. Hmm.

6 thoughts on “me personally enough I want to trust You.

    • Thank you, Jody. It seriously helps me understand certain verses better. Maybe one day I’ll get to where I can read the whole bible in that version, but loving NLT too right now.

  1. Julia, The words from Proverbs were so much for powerful than the words you wanted to say about yourself. Those words felt a bit like shame for the struggle. I have learned there is no shame in the struggle. Jesus is ok with our struggles and is in them with us.

    • Thank you for the reminder Jesus is in our struggles. I’m struggling with a lot of shame lately. I’m still trying to learn there is no shame in my struggle. God’s word is helping a bit. I’m really wanting it to anyway.

  2. Tired of yourself, Julia? I’m not tired of you…and I think I speak for the whole FMF community.

    God chose to descend to our life, and He understands the dichotomy…our temporal joy is light that is made meaningful, in this life, by our knowledge of the shadowland of suffering.

    When we are in His presence, we will live in the pure light of Joy, bathe in it, drink it…it will become our definition.

    But not here, and not yet.

    #1 at FMF this week.

  3. There is definitely no shame in the struggle, if anything I think that is where the true beauty is allowed to shine forth… like the Kintsugi practice of mending broken ceramics and pottery with gold… in our weakness we are made strong and whole and beautiful in Him.

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