turn away again. 

Won’t you come

& sweep up my heart

again, Lord? Your smile

begs my attention while

the world says my name,

Julia, Julia, julia. The frustration 

grips me and I wonder what my place is 

again. I yearn to stay in this quiet place 

with you where I can be calm, maybe 

laugh again, and I won’t lie and say I 

don’t long for the company of a friend, 

where a hug can embrace my frame. But 

you’re in room and I can’t 

Fmf: place.

I like this prompt. Though I totally thought I’d go a different way with it. Ask Jesus what my place is. Where I belong. Because it is confusing lately, this tension of wanting to where I belong with the world and where I belong with Jesus. The world is so loud and HEYY LOOK. LOOK. HELLO, did you hear me, I said look! (And books, though they can’t speak like a person, will make you look for a very long time. As in whether you should buy it. But it isn’t dire right now.) 

while Jesus is quiet, more tender. Stay with me. But Jesus, I.. I know. Stay with me. Can’t I fix it? Stay with me. I don’t understand what is happening. My insides feel like I may burn up with joy for reasons I don’t know. Stay with me. Ughh this makes me so sad and why does it feel like no cares, but you do. Stay with me. Why are all my relationships hard right now but I feel so close to you? Stay with me. Jesus. I want that intimacy. Stay with me. Stay with me. I feel like I’m losing. Stay with me.  Did you really answer my prayer? Stay with me. What about me? Stay with me. Wait and see. I love you. 

Its hard to stay in that peace when the world can so easily lure me away. And then I lose my focus and feel like it’s my duty to keep everything going, under control. But it’s not. It never will be. But I want to stay at his feet. In his word. The pull has never been stronger this year. Or maybe it’s my eagerness too. But this is where I’m finding most of my delight. Maybe all lately. And even though we’re a little more than half way through the year, I can’t wait to see what more surprises he has up his sleeve. 

Keep my eyes fixed on you, Jesus, the author and initator of my faith. 

at encouragement can be

I try, God , to digest what

others have asked

me this-my opinion

of his music and a dear

friend’s want for advice. 

In both instances, I’m stunned

into silence, what can I give? Can I be that 

honest? Really, my opinion? The joy of 

both asking marvels me-both are 

following their dreams & for a second, 

I’m brought to see wh

fmf: try.

This week has been seriously interesting. From Sunday meeting a new friend, Kelly, I met through Instagram. And the awkwardness of it that God melted away through sharing of stories and Wonder Woman. I still can’t hold back wanting to laugh remembering how the woman taking tickets asked if it was one child and one adult. I kind of just stared a minute before Kelly goes, no we’re both adults here. 😂 I don’t know if the woman was referring to me, but Kelly is a little taller than me. I wanted to be a little mad, but I find it too funny. In a way, it’s a reminder to me that I’m God’s child. 

And how can God’s child give adequate advice? On Wednesday my brother’s friend, Ruben had so much joy in telling me he released his first music video. His excitement had my attention right away. Maybe because I haven’t seen someone in a long time so excited come up to me and ask for my opinion. The whole time I’m a mess of nerves because I don’t want to say the wrong thing or crush his dreams. But he did ask for my honesty. And the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, it’s good. Because I’m afraid and don’t know how to give positive feedback while also being honest. Later on, I tell him how I love the scene with him and his mom at the table. How it’s different than a normal music video. I don’t know how to describe other than it feels like I’m watching someone’s home video. 

I don’t love all the swearing, I tell him, and once again am shocked by the fact that though my our views are different, it is okay. I guess I’m coming to see in very small ways we are all struggling, trying to reach for dreams that have placed inside us. One very small step at a time. We need life spoken into us. That is what keeps us going. Not condemnation. Which I think is where a lot of my fear  comes lately. That being honest, saying what I do and don’t like, deserves condemnation. And I think when faced with telling someone what I honestly think of their work or something else, I hesitate  because I never want to come off as rude. Ever. And I myself shrink back a little when someone says you could do more or says it’s good. Never want it to go to my head either. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this except I don’t see what an honor it is to speak into another’s life and how to receive life-giving words without being so skeptical and ask, really? or be too stunned to speak at all.

And oh Jesus, help me. Help me receive and meditate on the life giving words instead of the doubt and not question the encouragement I try to give to others. It comes from you not me. I really do like watching someone smile and be given hope while I wait here in this valley. I don’t think I’d even have the opportunity to share if I was rushing around. Not that I can but you know in my head, it’s a really good time. Being still I learn how you are patient and kind. Wanting me to give yes, but also wanting me to not brush away the good things. Please help me. Amen. 

It will forever amaze me the moments God uses to show me more of who he is and how he may have to sing this over me forever. I want to cry every single time. 

No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Must remember this.