to lift me out. 

God,

I am tired 

and yet the sun

Still comes through

The window, a light

that doesn’t compare

to the one I long to guide

me to dreams I’ve let die 

for the momentum has run

dry. Would you come find me

anew, or maybe an embrace from an old 

friend would do. Light from the eyes 

would capture me in the darkness 

my mind can’t seem to shake fully. My 

God, I need you to smile again and again

fmf: guide

Today, I saw this was the prompt and then read in Bonnie Gray’s book Whispers of Rest for part of a prayer, guide me to create new rhythms. Since this a devotional book, it was the section on dreams with the day’s word, Shelter. I’m on a second read through but lately when I pick it up and open to a random page, it’s as if God meets me right there. 

I need shelter from doubt that my writing matters at all. And that maybe, maybe..God would like me to write a book, but it freaks me the heck out. And makes me weary. But it’s been rolling around since my dad mentioned it a week or so ago after I told him about how well Bonnie’s book did and I how I’m reading it again. 

All I can seem to do is read other books right now. And I’d rather help others than write my own book. But I can sit with the idea a loong time. 

In other news, I’m hopefully going to be starting the New Testament Sunday! 🎉 I really can’t believe how much I’ve gotten in God’s word since the beginning. From coloring to note taking/conversations with God. The hardest thing that has been hitting me is how much I want to call my grandma and go: THERES SO MUCH IN HERE! HE IS HUGE ON MERCY! I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! A well of grief will rise to the surface because I can’t. I know God understands it and I like to think maybe she’s rejoicing, is most likely. It doesn’t take away the ache or the fact I wish I would’ve asked who God was to her. How much did you pray for me? Why do you feel so much like a memory? Why is this such a big deal to me now? Am I even going to remember what I’ve read? Why are all the kings in chronicles mostly really young- seriously 7 years old?! Why. They can make a decree for candy and really late bed times. 😂 will my heart change? To believe his love for me? Is it?

And then there’s this and this

The first song, I love this lyric:

When I know You love me

Is when I find that I’m free

Love the way You love me

Love the way You love

(Goes along with this post from a dear friend, Trisha who wrote about how to be effective this week. 🙋)

And the second song, I love the beginning  with the piano and these lyrics 

I will cry out to You, Lord

Of Your goodness I am sure

‘Cause it never failed before

I will praise You. 

Her music this week has been lifting up my soul and making me get to the point I want to weep, but it won’t come out. Not that I’ve not cried this week but it’s like a well inside. 

Jesus, I love the way You woo me. Please don’t shop wooing me. It’s so delightful. Help me be still in it. Amen. 

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5 thoughts on “to lift me out. 

  1. Hey Julia, I was so glad to see you my near neighbour at FMF this week. Thank you for your beautiful words and the songs, I loved the second one, it made me want to cry. I relate to a lot of what you shared. I pray Father will lead you in everything and you can always rest assured you are loved. Big hugs today, your friend Aliyah (setapartwarrior.blogspot.co.za)a

    • Hey Aliyah 🙂 it was good to see a comment from you. The second song still will make me cry if I listen long enough and I’m still. Thank you for the prayer. Love you. ❤️

  2. I am drawn into your poetry every time. The way you arrange your words create such a beautiful rhythm. I love that you asked God to smile on you and even gave specifics: an embrace. Yes, you should write a book!

    • Thank you, Stephanie. I don’t know what else to say other than I would really like to internalize those words instead of brush off. And also without letting them go to my head. Would you like to pray about me writing a book with me? I’d really love some prayers about it because I have ideas but not sure where to go. Thank you for the encouragement, too! ❤️

      • Yes. I pray that you would feel affirmation of that nudge if that’s the door that’s opening up. I had a nudge about developing a workshop for parents of kids with mental health/chronic medical conditions. The nudge began to take form and one day the opportunity to put it together opened up. God spoke. It happened. I was awed to watch it happen.

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