I know you watched my emotions today. Frustrated. Tired. So very tired. But how is it that I’m still so loved? Blessed with a season of waiting for what I still don’t know. Because in this valley, you still see my heart. And though the distance seems so far, you don’t let go. Even while I sit on the floor trying to put dishes away. Or pans. And I just wanted to give up for fear of doing something wrong.
Same thing with earlier today. Always this fear I’m doing something wrong. Or have to hurry. Or that maybe just maybe you really aren’t as patient.
But miles away is a friend who tells me I’m not alone. And I just want to hug her. You. Because the worry is too much for my heart. The sorrow that my dreams were stupid and I don’t know who I am anymore. But to walk through the wait and the ache and ughh always leads to more laughter.
Because God, I may not be into reading anything more than your word and a few blogs. And maybe a book. Which I started and really liked but then stopped. But when I get on Voxer, I feel different. A me that seems more me, more open and vulnerable. and I just feel you there. The peace that surpasses all understanding. Your mercy is severe. Your grace. I have messed up beyond what I think is redeemable. And really me.
I don’t see how I am precious, Lord. Or anything of value. But you are even showing now, everyday that I do. I am. But I need it sink in.
(previous letter with links to the others at the link at the bottom of the post)