11/9/17

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Day 8

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God,

I’m feeling this peace today that transcends what makes sense. It’s like hostile territory around me and maybe a little inside – but there You go bringing laughter again. And telling me You are for me. Thank you. For singing to me. Over and over again. 

Like this song now, where I’m hearing You say You are not lying about doing more than I ask or imagine. And just because I can’t see right now doesn’t mean You aren’t satisfying me right now, right here. Today. You’ve let me spend time talking to — or ughhh, please. Lord. — You. And listening to lots of Voxes and voxing back. It’s like boxing my depression to find the light of Your love. I can’t help but to start believing maybe You like to laugh than when I saw heart of mercy picture in my grandma’s house.  

The sorrow. I’d look at it and always think You were sorry. And that’s what I believed since I came to know You. You are either angry. Or sad. The joy is so hard getting older because of the fear it’ll just fall apart. It won’t really happen. There’s too much pain inside my heart. So much aching and wondering if it’s okay to be a child again. 

Is it? Is it okay that I want to read a book with a friend and have a dance party and eat all the chocolate? And forget the world? Is it okay that I keep begging for love love love to be poured out again and again on my friends and my family, myself who are hurting? Is it okay to say that this waiting is anticipatory happines and frustrating? 

And can we talk about beckah shae’s music for a minute? Totally catchy and makes me want to sing right now and dance. I can sing and write. But it’s slow. It’s well. You make all things new. 

Again with a song with the promise you gave me in March. 

You can do infinitely more than I ask or think. Ughh, God. I don’t get it just like I didn’t get it. But pleasee Lord bless beckah shae’s music too because ughh so good. I seriously want to break it down right here for you. Oooh yeah, the Hephzibah song! You delight in me. No longer forsaken. 

So you really see me as a delight? Let me see. My head knows, but we know my heart is slow. So very slow at opening and registering this delight You have for me. 

I’m always hopeful

The Son will shine forth, and bring that rainbow.. Thank you for Beckah Shae. So catchy. Ughh. 

Yeah, see Ya soon. Yah. YWH. 

Show me what You see when You look at me.  

Thank you for giving me hope. Being my hope. 

Love,
your tender haired girl. 

Ps. Bring on the shiny. Or the beats. It’s like coffee. For the soul. 

Letters From A Tender Haired Girl.

Lyrics/titles found in this letter here. And here

Here. And here. And one more.  

And an extra one for good measure and goodness. New fave right now 🙋

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One thought on “11/9/17

  1. Pingback: 11/10/17 | crippledatYourtable

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