11/15/17

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Day 12

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God,

I don’t want to sing right now. If I don’t though, my soul will sink. My heart. It is cold in this kitchen. This hat makes me think I’m in the Arctic (I’ve been spelling/saying that wrong all along I think.), but I don’t want to be cold. Or make my ear hurt. I feel pressure in both now. 

I’d really like to sleep and not worry something will go wrong if I’m not awake. Like the dogs will go nuts. And then I’ll wake up. I’d like to stop dreaming of spiders, too. Looking up the meaning of them I can’t even get past the picture before jumping like it’s in front of me. And then seeing that they mean manipulation – God, I’m sorry if I am doing that anyone. Really, the amount of fear it put in my heart freaks me out. Because you know I want things but honestly I just want to be still with You for a while. And sleep. And if I’m being manipulated at all, we both know I never know or I’m being kind. Or trying to be which most likely means I’m trying to please. Never goes well. Ever. 

I don’t have energy for people. I mean, I do for the one relationship I feel peace. And honestly, I think You’re giving me the energy for it. But everything else feels off. Makes me tired, wears me out. I’m weary, God. And I want to tell another friend how I am, but I think about what I could type or call and say – which could be a whole lot of rambling – but I’d like to ask if she’d come sit with me. I feel so much peace in writing that even though I know that unless you did a miracle, it can’t be today. 

Thank you for the quiet and doing the dishes with Nolan. And this jacket with fur inside. And the water. And this hat. And the slippers. And mom checking on me. And the dogs being good. And a conversation with Raechel. And the show Speechless. Thank you there’s a show where an actor who actually has a disability plays the person with the disability. And for the way the cast is so patient with him. Helps me see You. I love how the mom of the show is so focused on listening and making sure he is heard. Ugh. They all are but You know how I am with the moms. And reminding me I can expect good things because I’m precious to You. 

Please help me see Your favor today. I don’t know why it’s so fascinating since the verse I showed You yesterday, but I will not leave me so here’s me asking again. Thank You. 

Love, 

your tender haired girl. 

Ps. And thank You for the skit guys thanksgiving goodness video. So good.

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previous letter from Letter From A Tender Haired Girl found here. 

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5 thoughts on “11/15/17

  1. I love you…you’re so real and it’s refreshing…I’m saying a prayer for you today. I’ve not heard of this show, “Speechless”. Now, I will have to look it up! You know, I feel your heart…but God does not give us dreams to scare us but show us his heart and what is going on. He will make even manipulation turn out for our good…sometimes it’s a process. Keep writing friend. You are indeed precious. Hugs!

    • Hugs. ❤️ thank you, Kelly. I love you too. And I know in my head God does give dreams to scare us. I know he knows about how it scares me too. I’m curious to see how he turns it around. Thank you for the encouragement to keep writing.

  2. Pingback: 11/16/17 | crippledatYourtable

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