the anxiety is a tad high right now. But I want to tell you thank you for the text that came on my phone asking how I am. I want to tell her You know. But everything around was loud made me nervous. I needed to be still. I needed to listen. I needed to pray for Your favor to fall on my brother. And when he called later to tell me he’s still got it, something tells me You answered me as whispered to the window. To You. But just the fact that she asked me how I am reminds me You are faithful.
And today (since we are on another day), I’m sitting here with a book and pencil so maybe I can underline something about how to be a better friend. Letting go one friendship is so hard, but I’m not holding onto much except what I did wrong while memories flow in & out I don’t want to cry about. But there is a joy being here with you, singing some Disney songs to the dog beside and those behind me.
There is a calm here, Lord. Though I just got distracted earlier with needing to pick out gifts and a podcast I couldn’t fully engage in. I’m tired, Lord. I want to make cookies. I want to watch this movie. I don’t want to get up. I’m also hungry.
I want to tell you how thankful I am for the friends who have sat me and been confused with me and prayed and laughed. The late nights. The hope even though I don’t understand. The butterflies. I know you are here and you will help me get through this and embrace those you’ve put in my life.
Saying goodbye just feels so weird. It’s like I’m Moses in the cleft of the rock asking to see your glory, but you know only your back is all I can take. Not that you are turning away, you just know it will be too much to take. But being blinded by love might be okay. A hug would be just fine.
Waiting for more shine,
Your tender haired girl