1/6/18

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Day 43

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God,

Are you trying to tell me something? The Lol song is on and I keep thinking about the journals. The one mom got me for Christmas has a bunch of flowers with the scripture: live by faith not by sight. And the one Kelly gave me also has a ton of flowers on it. And the note made me smile. Julia – for all those deep thoughts. 

It made me smile so much. It feels like we have known each other longer since last August. I know you know this but i love how you’ve surprised me the last few weeks. From a woman who’s been touched by part of my story and is sending me a book. All from a bible plan I did about my depression. I wrote an email about how it’s helped me and really wasn’t expecting anything back. But then a woman writes back with prayer and saying that the woman who put together the plan wants to bless with a book and I just stare at it and read part. Mark as unread then go back like, wow. And then Monday and all I keep thinking is, are you saying I’m going to bloom? 

I know Gwen has told me I remind her of an orchid, but I honestly still feel in the dark. I still alone even though I know I’m not. You are here even though it doesn’t always feel like it. I’m trying to praise you anyhow. 

Hallelujah, it will be alright. Be alright. Be alright. Yes, I just quoted some more song lyrics. And now Josh Groban –
You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.. I am strong when i am on Your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be. 

This song will forever make me think of grandma. And it would be cool to stand on a mountain. Just to get to a joyful place inside myself. Being on Your shoulders sounds terrifying because I’m afraid of heights. I am totally hinds feet on high places. Much afraid. I’d need you to hold my hand all the way. And now the song about me being loved. I need help here, Lord. 

Jesus, I love the way You say my name. I love the way You aren’t ashamed of me. Harvest Sound lyrics. 

Show me again You aren’t ashamed of me. Help me take being loved. Maybe right now it is how the dog is laying so close to me. He is precious, You know. You must have taken so much joy in creating him to look like a cow tail. Yes, I know it’s hilarious. And a friend who is helping me believe again. It’s okay to dream. More than okay. 

And now I’m going to end with Ellie lyrics:

So take away this, the fear

take away this doubt & let me know that You’re here and You’re not going anywhere. Free me with your love. 
Love,

your tender haired girl 

Previous letter here.

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One thought on “1/6/18

  1. Pingback: 1/7-8/18 | crippledatYourtable

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