1/31/18

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Day 61

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God,

Like a skin

You are shedding slow 

the pride within me –

not the, hey, look at me,

I got this! I’m fine! though 

we both know internally 

I act this way. You’ve steadied 

me each time this last week I said, I need 

your hand. Would you help out with this, 

please? I need to go home – I don’t feel 

good. I’m not sure if I said the last part, 

but I remember her gentle reassurance 

that it was fine if we went home and 

watched Miranda on the couch. 

All of these were different scenarios, but 

each made me confront my fear of 

rejection –

each met with, yes, here! I’ll hook you up. 

(Not sure those were exact words either). 

I thinkthe wind is for you. 

She cranked up the air conditioner and 

opened up the windows. If it gets too 

cold, let me know. I know she was cold, 

but she was trying to cool me down while 

I sang to distract myself from the pain. 

Each time it was a reminder: Your grace is 

all I need. Your power is made perfect in

weakness – my asking for 

help/connection when I feel I least 

deserve it, don’t know if I will be met 

with rejection. 

But You are here. You are aquatinted with 

all my ways. 

You know every word I will utter

before I speak it – the worry, the  

fear, the joy, the mystery, You know it all. 

Could You be this good, God? 

Understanding me

so intimately I can’t deny the ways You 

woo me?

I want to see. And thank You at every thrill that finds me. 

love,

your tender haired girl 

Ps. Seriously? That was fast. I’m pretty sure that’s Reba doing the kfc commercial. Ugh, it makes me miss grandma and the way we would watch Reba’s show,  and grandma  would say ‘Moron’ like Reba. I miss her, God. A lot. It made me laugh or smile every time. Grief isn’t fun. Especially when it hits out of the blue.  

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