If I told You, God, 

the reason I want

gifts is because I feel

disconnected, will You 

shame me? Because when

some one who genuinely gives 

me a gift, I push back. I tremble   

You don’t do shame. I know this. You 

know the root that when I feel 

disconnected from

someone or unheard or invisible, I crave 

attention somehow and what better way 

than a gift. But You also know 

I am a quality time girl and a gift will 

leave me empty if my heart feels turned 

away. Hold me now. H




Day 106


The pain is scrunching

Aching flesh beneath

Gravitating me to numbing

Dialing back

And hanging up.

But I will not back away 

For this is where

You come close

I know I won’t fall apart

But together in You.

Now wrap me in Your arms 

And make me whole 

For even if I break

I know You’ll bend

To catch my chin

And whisper


We can always 

Begin again.

This poem edited by my lovely lovely friend, Anna. Friends who listen to you share your broken heart and then spongebob later. They are the best. Thank you, Jesus for the friends You’ve put in my life. ☺️



One could say I have 

an ocean of tears welling 

from the inside & I’m sure 

You can see them as one fell

down and off my noise. I heard, 

the lie I know now I believe so

deeply: you can’t love with passive 

agreessive nature I don’t wish to have or 


the way I can quickly envy when minutes

before I was content to sit with you, be. 

You are faithful and true when you tell 

me you’re not leaving or forsaking me 

And to you I am 

Altogether lovely. And you’re planning 

good things for me, not to harm me. And 

you provide for me. Trust me, you say, 

fmf: ocean. 

Because the prompt is ocean, it reminded me of this graphic I made today:

This is from day ooe from Holy and Set Apart by my lovely friend, Kelly. A 30 day devotional to this:

Beloved, you are cherished – so don’t you dare doubt your worth. Your Papa is not a self-deprecating Being. You are no rough draft or a caricature version of Him. You are His masterpiece come to life! Your Father is proud to see Himself in you! You are holy. You are set apart by God, for God. When you know this personally, then nothing will stop you from living with purpose!

  I started it yesterday and had to stop to sink into the refresher in who God is: provider, LORD of Lords, Bright Morning Star, the God who hears, the Reseemer. Favorite part so far? The prayer at the end.  It really helped to be still and be guided into prayer instead of rambling. (Not that God cares about rambles. He loves them.) it’s just nice to be still from someone’s heartfelt and see what I stop on. 
I love this sentence from the today’s prayer. And the way this graphic of a girl staring at the ocean, how it flows in and out, kept in place reminds me  God keeps all things in order. There are bigger things. And I don’t have to strive, but rear in his love right now. He gives me what I need when I need it. He’s my father after all. 

He’ll come through. Always does, always will. 

I can’t wait to see today’s day, after these 30 days. And clearly I went from talking about the ocean to this devotional..but apparently I needed to preach to myself and remember who God is – the one who tells the oceans proud waves to hold up! with boundary markers. 😂



Day 105



She is right. 

You look at me 

& I want to weep,

turn away into the 

accuser’s words:

You’ll never do anything,

Julia. JULIA. You think 

God is going to let you

help anyone again? You’re 

too approval hungry, too 

“I don’t want to get into anyone’s way, take up space”

You could barely go into the kitchen to 

turn the overhead light on. What a 

fighter you are. 

Not. A friend wants your help with things

and you’re so anxious and then peaceful 

& anxious again. What kind of 

faith is that? You should be able to wait 

without all that. 

Because it’s something I love,

I fear it will never happen because my 

actions the first time were immature at best. 

So why do I deserve a second

chance? I know the wanting in

my heart for things can cloud 

my vision for Your heart, depth 

of relationship. It crawls in

my heart, oh, that looks good! 

oh, I have to get their attention!

They’re never bad, but they become 

twisted until I no longer know where You are. 

Help me to wait & move 

in Your peace. Let it rule in 

my heart. 
Your tender haired girl

(or youthful)
Ps. Good plans You have. Good. Must remind myself of this. A hope and a future. Thank you for the light shining through the window. That was a wink from You wasn’t it? Ooh and this flashback song. Capture my heart. 😍🙋