answer, please

i don’t know
how to see this
as a gift—yes
to a school i want
nothing to do with.
i didn’t ask for this,
though i’ve spent
too many days
wondering what,
who, where i should
be. God—how i am
five, leaning heavily
upon your chest, with
all the weeping a rebelling
child can muster. because
i want another

FMF prompt: gift. when God answers you with something you don’t want, have worried about in the depths of your heart. i could say i’m mad, bit i’m scared. i don’t know what to major in. i really want answers right now. i want him to wrap me up for hours & hours and tell me it will be alright. over and over i’m scared of his answers; it won’t be what i want. i have a control problem, i know.

i need prayers. the anxiety and and way i want to cry over this is a lot for me. because it’s silly.

i want to retreat. He isn’t going to let me though.

Continually tae me by the right hand and whisper, I am here to help you.

I hate how my heart feels like a billion pounds.