I listen to a song
tell me I’m worth more than gold.
Sour cream & cheddar cheese Ruffles
waft through this lonely, lowly dimmed room.
Now, a woman sings a request I’m unsure
I’ve ever asked, but my heart can’t tell a lie.
Would You stay with me, crying through
my chest a quiet beat wanting resignation?
Lies have met my mind’s threshold today.
No one cares about you.
Orange juice sits on the bedside table.
Good job betraying your mother.
Vicious laughter followed by,
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Don’t you know when words are many,
sin is never absent? You can cry
all the hidden tears, but Jesus knows
what a fool you’ve become.
Talking about what you’ve seen, know
without thinking, realizing you could turn
the only parent against you.
You want that?
You are a baby, writing all this
waiting for someone to pity you.
People have been pitying for five days.
Looking you in the eyes.
Buying you grapes.
Asking, how are you?
You look away.
You find yourself here, wrapped
underneath a comforter, repeating
your need for a sympathetic ear.
You want more. You want a physical body,
wrapping those anxiety bones in a day
long hug, easing you into a silence
you won’t sit with, because I, the lying Father,
terrify you to believe no one will understand you.
You should remain quiet.
Jesus was tempted
every way you are.
He didn’t sin though.
I bet He didn’t doubt His Father’s love
the way you are with not getting your heart desires.
You are selfish
A child so weak, your Father
gave Himself to save
out of the hands of doubt.
Yet, you doubt His loving blessings,
wanting something more than loneliness.